“Hi, dear. Did you get the tickets for Usher?”

“Yes I did, and you won’t believe what I saw at the Ticketmaster.”


“It was right after the Ticketmaster valet took my car. I heard this low-pitched hum coming from somewhere above. You know, like Incubus tuning their guitars? I looked up and saw a genuine flying saucer coming down to land in the parking lot.”

“Space aliens? At our Ticketmaster?”

“Uh, uh. Said they were from Mars, and that their own Ticketmaster burned down last night, so they immediately jumped in the saucer and came to Earth. Said they needed tickets for Green Day and blink-182.”

“Really? What happened next?”

“Well, while the clerk was running the first Martian’s VISA, there was a sudden commotion at the door.”

“Not more space aliens?”

“You got it. Except these were from Venus. And they wanted the same tickets the Martians had just picked out, as well as the best seats available for Spunge and Little Feat.”

“Sounds like trouble.”

“Big time trouble, Zelda. The Martians reached for their zap guns, but the aliens from Venus were faster. Before I knew it, there was yellow and green blood all over the place. And not an alien left standing.”

“I guess that proves we’re not alone.”

“Not exactly, because right after the zap gunfight, this guy shows up from the FBI. His name was Mudder, or Mulder, or something like that. Says I can’t tell a soul about what I saw. Said it was for my own good. Then he and his lady partner cleaned up the mess and split.”

“Let me see if I have this straight. Martians landed at the Ticketmaster, and said their own Ticketmaster on Mars burned down last night, so they came to Earth to buy tickets for all the big shows, like Bonnie Raitt and Journey.”

“Uh, uh.”

“And right when they were about to pay for the tickets, space aliens from Venus walk in, the Martians reach for their guns, but the Venusians are too fast. Then, after all the shooting stops, a federal agent arrives and tells you not to say anything about what you saw.”

“That’s about the size of it.”

“You were right, honey, that really is amazing.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“You bet. Never in a million years would I have ever guessed that there was a Ticketmaster on Mars.”

“I know what you mean. They said it was right next to Verizon’s Face On Mars Amphitheatre.”