“Dr. Rosen! Freddie! I haven’t seen you since we both interned on Journey’s first arena tour.”

“Well, what do you know? Dr. Barry Diller. My, it’s been a long time. How have you been?”

“Quite well, Doctor. Are you still running that chain of anger management retreats for concert technicians?”

“You mean, Rosen’s Rehab Resorts For Rowdy Roadies? We’re in 39 cities, and growing. Say, didn’t you go into booking agent geriatrics?”

“Yes. I’m the director of Creative Aging Agents. It’s a very exclusive, non-profit organization funded by the GG Allin Foundation.”

“GG Allin? Oh, yes, the late punk musician from Milwaukee. He was quite the philanthropist.”

“Isn’t that the truth. Whether on stage or in the board room, GG always gave the people much more than what they asked for.”

“I’ve always been curious, Doctor, what is the life expectancy of a retired booking agent?”

“It depends. It’s amazing what a career of booking shows for INXS or Chemical Brothers does to a person. The human body wasn’t made to take such abuse.”

“That bad, is it?”

“Unbelievable. From broken bones to cracked ribs, from cell phone scars to lockjaw, the business definitely takes its cut from a person’s life. One of our newer patients spent half his life booking shows for Jefferson Starship, Randy Travis and Relient K. Now he just sits in a corner and shakes.”

“That’s so sad. What can you do for a person like that?”

“Whatever we can, Doctor. Commission therapy helps. Plus, thanks to donations from Paul McCartney and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, we’ve been able to conduct experiments in ticket shock treatments. So far, the results look promising.”

“It sounds promising.”

“We’ve had our share of success stories. Like the former agent for Ozzy Osbourne. He couldn’t kick anything to save his life. Now the other residents call him Lord of The Dance. Then there were the agents who used to book Nelly Furtado and Phil Lesh & Friends. They couldn’t even raise their voices above a whisper when they checked in. Now they’re screaming like there’s no tomorrow.”

“So, there’s life after booking?”

“Definitely, but it’s hard work. However, if we can extend a retired agent’s life expectancy by 10, or maybe even 15 percent, then we’ve done our jobs.”

“Really? That’s remarkable. I never thought retired agents could live that long.”

“Oh, sure. In fact, we just threw a birthday party for the former agent for Alan Jackson. He’s been retired for at least 20 years. He may look old and wrinkled, but he’s feisty.”

“Fantastic.”

“Yes, but he did have us worried for a moment.”

“Oh? Why is that, Doctor?”

“He almost collapsed trying to blow out the 47 candles on his cake.”