“How did your day go, Fred?”

“You wouldn’t believe what happened today, Doris. You know Arnold?”

“Our prize pig? There’s not something wrong with Arnold, is there?”

“Oh, no. But when I was milking the cows, Arnold waddled over to me and said that his favorite band, The Cranberries, is playing in Boston on May 14.”

“Come on now. Arnold said that? You’re pulling my leg.”

“Sure as I’m standing here, Doris. He also said that Zane Williams and Clarence Clemons have new dates.”

“Is that so?”

‘Yup. Then the cow I was milking, Bessie, said that Don Henley and Train are both playing that Tiger Woods benefit in Vegas. You know, Tiger Jam V?”

“Oh, my God. Never would I ever dream that Bessie would say that.”

“But that’s only half of it. Then the chickens started squawking about Nick Harper, 34 Below and Fourplay. The racket was unbelievable. Heck, I had to give them some extra feed just to shut them up.”

“Then what happened?”

“That’s when Shep came by and said that Bill Bruford’s Earthworks will be playing New York in May.”

“Shep? The neighbor’s sheepdog?”

“That’s right. Then he and Arnold got to arguing about the schedules for Todd Snider and Corey Harris. Heck, Shep was barking and Arnold was oinkin.’ And there I was, trying to get between them to shut both of them up.”

“What did you do?”

“What could I do? I realized that I was outnumbered, so I called the Humane Society and they sent out a SWAT team, pronto. Arnold took three of them down before one of them could get a clear shot with a tranquilizer gun.”

“Wait a minute. Let me see if I got this straight. Shep came by and heard Arnold, Bessie and the chickens talking about tour dates. Then Arnold got into a fight with Shep, and things got so noisy that the Humane Society had to come out and shoot Arnold with tranquilizer darts before he’d calm down?”

“That’s right.”

“And it all started when Arnold told you that his favorite band, The Cranberries, is scheduled to play Boston on May 14?”

“That’s about the size of it.”

“You were right, Fred. I am having a hard time believing this.”

“I told you, you would, Doris.”

“After all, I always thought Puddle Of Mudd was his favorite band.”