Knock! Knock!

“Yes? May I help you, little girl?”

“Good day, sir. I’m collecting donations for… for… Ohmygawd! You’re… You’re…”

“That’s right, little girl. I’m A.J. McLean of the Backstreet Boys. How can I be of service?”

“I’m collecting donations to send Lance Bass to the International Space Station.”

“Lance Bass? Of *NSYNC?”

“That’s right, Mr. McLean.”

“How much do you need?”

“Well, Mr. McLean. Er… May I call you A.J.?”

“Mr. McLean will do fine, little girl.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. McLean, Lance is set to blast off on a Russian Soyuz rocketship on October 22nd, but in order to pay for the trip, he’ll need millions of dollars in hard, U.S. currency.”

“I see. How much have you collected so far?”

“Well, Ann and Nancy Wilson gave me $2.5 million.”

Heart gave you all that? I guess they can afford it. They’ve got a big tour coming up.”

Peter Murphy gave me $500,000, and The Promise Ring and a-ha each gave me $1.5 million.”

“Tell me, little girl, does Lance have to go through the same training as the Russian cosmonauts?”

“Oh, yes, Mr. McLean.”

“Including the centrifuge where they spin you around until your eyes pop out of your head and you’re screaming in pain?”

“Uh, uh. You know, Mr. McLean, that’s what Joan Baez asked me right before she donated $3.5 million.”

“And does Lance have to go on that Russian cosmonaut survival test where they’ll drop him in the Siberian wilderness with nothing but a broken compass and a toenail clipper?”

“That’s funny. That’s what Patti Smith asked right before she gave me $1.2 million. Yes, Mr. McLean, Lance is going to undergo the same training as the Russian cosmonauts. They’re going to send him on 500 mile hikes in the rain and make him eat worms.”

“Sounds good to me, little girl. Here you go. Here’s my personal check.”

“Wow! $5 million dollars!! That’s more than either The Allman Brothers Band or Roger McGuinn has given today. In fact, that the most anyone’s donated today!”

“I’m more than happy to give it to you, little girl. I would have given you more, but my other check book is at the cleaners.”

“Oh, thank you, Mr. McLean, thank you. With your donation, Lance Bass will be able to pay for one round trip flight to the International Space Station. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Wait a minute, little girl. I want my check back.”

“But… but… but you just said you were more than happy to give me the money to send Lance into space.”

“I know, but that was before you said it was a round trip.”