“The summer concert season is coming up and I know you’re going to want to see all the big tours like Vans Warped Tour 2002 and this year’s Ozzfest. However, cash has been kind of tight around here. You know, with me losing my job at Arthur Andersen and your mother getting convicted for that SLA thing back in the ’70s? Damn that Patricia Hearst. Can’t she keep her mouth shut?
“What I’m trying to tell you is that in order to catch all the summer shows, like J Mascis in San Francisco on June 14, or No Doubt and Spookie Daly Pride in July, someone around here is going to have to get a part-time job. I mean, have you seen how much a single Paul McCartney ticket costs? Heck, back in my day you could buy a tank of gas, a couple pairs of good polyester bellbottoms and a case of Boones Farm for what Paul’s charging for a decent seat. Of course, that was back before Jimmy Carter put the polyester on the Endangered Species List. Doggone peanut farmer.
“Anyway, here’s the deal: If you want to see The Faint, Love Life and Coheed & Cambria this summer, someone in this household is going to have to get a part-time job. Now, don’t look at me like that. A good part-time job, like a morning paper route, flipping burgers at Mickey D’s or greeting people at Wal-Mart, builds character. Teaches one to appreciate money and what it can buy. After all, your mother would still be living with us if I had spent the big bucks and hired a real lawyer. Damn that college dropout.
“Anyway, son, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. If you want to see Alicia Keys and The Allman Brothers Band this summer, that’s fine with me. However, it’s going to take money, and that’s going to take a part-time job.
“So, if you find anyone that’s hiring, son, you tell them your old man won’t start for anything less than $10.00 per hour. Plus benefits, of course.”