“How was your day, dear?”

“Incredible. You won’t believe what happened to me on the way home from work.”


“The office closed early, so I thought I’d stop by the Ticketmaster to browse the floor seats for Kittie and Journey, and maybe see if any Diana Krall tickets have been kicked back into the system.”

“You mean, like when people die and can’t use them and stuff?”

“Exactly. But when I walked into the place, all these bells started ringing.”

“Uh? That’s what happened during my kleptomania days when I tried walking out of Tower Records with that Billy Ray Cyrus CD in my pocket.”

“Then the lights started flashing, and a big banner with ‘Congratulations!’ printed on it dropped down from the ceiling. As it turned out, I was Ticketmaster’s one zillionth customer!”

“You’re kidding!”

“Oh, it was fantastic! All the press was there, including television, radio and Drudge, plus celebrities like Pamela and Kid Rock, as well as the biggest promoter in the world.”

“Mr. Clear Channel was there?”

“Well, it was his son, actually. After all, it is a family business.”

“Thaddeus Victor Channel? Still, that’s pretty impressive.”

“I’ll say. Nice guy, too. Told me to call him ‘T.V.’ and he introduced me to his wife, Coco. Plus, his cousin from London was there, too.”

“The English Channel? Amazing. So, what happened next?”

Well, the Gyuto Monks came out and sang a medley of dates from the new Eagles tour, followed by the Ticketmaster theme song.”

“‘Ticketmaster, My Ticketmaster?’ I love that song!”

“Who doesn’t? Anyway, the monks do their number, then T.V. starts giving me all these tickets for great shows like Omar & The Howlers and Beth Orton.”

“Gosh, honey, you’re right. That really is remarkable.”

“But that’s not all. Just when I thought it was over, T.V. tells me, that as Ticketmaster’s one zillionth customer, I am to receive a very special pair of tickets. Tickets for a brand new tour. A tour that has never happened before.”

“What? A tour that has never toured? What was it? A new band? MTV’s flavor of the week?”

“Better than that, honey. Look.”

“Uh? Two tickets to see… see… Oh, my God!”

“That’s right! Two front row tickets to see the Sammy Hagar & David Lee Roth Tour 2002!”

“The two former lead singers for Van Halen? Sam and Dave on the same stage? All those great VH songs performed by the original voices?”

“Yep! Plus free parking the night of the show.”

“Let me see if I got this straight. You stopped by the local Ticketmaster, where, as it turns out, you’re their one zillionth customer. You’re given a bunch of free tickets for great shows like Angeles Del Infierno and Chimaira. And then, just when you think you’ve seen it all, the promoter gives you a pair of front row tickets to see Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth, sans Halen? You’re right, honey, that really is incredible. It’s… It’s… Unbelievable!”

“I told you.”

“Never in a million years would I believe this.”

“Believe it, honey. It’s true.”

“I mean, who would have ever thought a promoter would give us free parking?”

“I know. Kind of rekindles your faith in human nature, doesn’t it?”