Mark this day down on your calendar. This is the day that takes that next step to Internet immortality. Yes, we have a new feature that’s so stupendous, so incredible, that the Web will never be the same after today.

You see, we took a long hard look at our Website, and while we felt that the schedules for great artists like Mike Clark and Lenny Kravitz were sure-fired attention grabbers, we felt we needed more than just dates and cities listed one after another. We needed something that would break through the static, something that would make more noise than just the latest dates for Rush. We needed more sizzle, less steak.

And by George, we got it!

Starting today, we’re going to have celebrity spokespersons bring you the new tours. That’s right, we’re looking at bona fide, grade-A stars that will greet you every day and give you the rundown on the latest routings, like that new featuring Sheryl Crow, Ziggy Marley, Train and O.A.R.

Oh, it’s gonna be great! We’ll have all these movie and TV stars come out, maybe they’ll tell a few jokes, sing and dance, or perhaps give a dramatic reading, after which, they’ll tell you about the new tours, like Diane Schuur or Tommy Lee. And if you’re really lucky, they might even agree to sign autographs. Such a deal!

Well, enough of this bragging, this tooting of our own horn. What do you say we introduce our first celebrity? He started out as a child actor, has appeared in several major motion pictures, and starred in one of the biggest TV shows of the 1970s. Will you please give a warm, user greeting to Robert Blake!

Hmmm… Looks like Robert’s going to be a little late. What do you suppose could have happened to him?