“I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’ll ask you point blank. Wanna be the next senator from the state of New Jersey?

“Here’s the way I see it. We’ll do a big fundraiser with Cher, Neil Diamond and maybe Eminem. You know, something for the whole family. That way, we’ll get the word out on the streets. Form some ties that bind the voters together, you know?

“Now, hear me out, Bruce. New Jersey needs you. Sure, there are other artists that might make good senators. People like Tom Petty and Joey McIntyre, but trying to get through their entourages to get a message to them is like dealing with Murder Incorporated. The people need someone like you. They need a senator that’s tougher than the rest.

“Just think of it! Senator Boss! You’ll drive to Washington in a pink Cadillac and maybe rendezvous with the other new senators on the steps of the Capitol before you take office. We’ll have Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes doing the National Anthem, and maybe, well, I don’t know, maybe some big man leading you up to the podium. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Somebody really big. Like Vanilla Ice. Or Kip Winger.

“Wait a sec, Bruce. Don’t be so quick to say no. We’re gonna ramrod you right through this election and then, who knows? Maybe even the White House. What’s that? Call someone else? Like Alanis Morissette or John Mayer? No way! When it comes to politics, they’re just dancing in the dark. You’re the one who’s meant for that mansion on the hill. Why, everyone knows you stand for the American dream. You’re a family man, and family men are big right now. The voters will elect you in a heartbeat. Believe you me, you were definitely born to run.

“And besides, Ozzy never returned any of my calls.”