How can a country built upon principles of democracy and liberty be so close-minded in regards to the expression of intellectual thought in relation to the concert industry? Doesn’t anyone care? Or are we to sit obediently and wait for the next press release only to say, “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” In a land that’s known for freedom, how can such a thing be fair?

That’s right, our request for a congressional press pass has been turned down for the umpteenth time.

Now, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Self! How can Congress pass legislation, protect our freedoms, campaign for corporate reform and yet refuse to recognize that the concert industry, the very same industry that brings Reel Big Fish, Badly Drawn Boy and Vanilla Ice to the sports arenas, amphitheatres and nightclubs of our great land, is an integral part of our basic, live entertainment rights as spelled out in the Constitution of these United States?”

Sure, that’s a rhetorical question that means absolutely nothing. But all rhetoric aside, it’s unbelievable that our nation’s lawmakers could ignore this bastion of the free press, this mouthpiece for promoters, booking agents and artist managers, that reports daily on the tour schedules for Goldfinger and 40 Below Summer. For where would this country be if wasn’t for great bands like Dismemberment Plan or Box Car Racer, whose ticket prices and service charges stimulate the economy and bring joy and contentment to its citizens? The answer is too grotesque to even contemplate.

But they haven’t heard the last of us. No, sir. We’ll call our representatives, we’ll email our senators, we’ll do everything it takes to ensure that you, the concert public, has a voice when it comes to the complex symbiotic relationship between concert routings, such as Morrissey and Azure Ray, and the issues that face Congress every day. Whether it’s Ozzy and homeland security, Neil Diamond and Enron, or Toby Keith and Charlie Daniels Band and their positions in relation to turning Baghdad into a parking lot, we will preserver. We’ll use every democratic tool afforded by our great nation to guarantee that America’s concert fans will be properly represented on Capitol Hill. Make no mistake about it, your voice will be heard!

And if that doesn’t work, we’ll just buy new representatives. After all, it’s the American way.