“No problem. There’s been a lot of misinformation in the press, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to tell our side.”

“How did it all start?”

“Well, we had this radio promotion, where people would be awarded points for making animal sounds in public places.”

“Animal sounds?”

“Uh, uh. For example, if someone crowed like a rooster during a Tool concert, they won 10 points.”

“And people did that?”

“Oh, sure. People will do anything to win a radio contest. Like the guy who oinked like a pig at a James Taylor show. He got 15 points.”

“I see.”

“We also had a lady who quacked like a duck at a Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey concert. Or the man who bleated like a sheep at Bela Fleck & The Flecktones. We gave them 20 points each.”

“So you had people making animal sounds at concerts?”

“Not just concerts. For instance, there was the man who laughed like a hyena during a taping of that short-lived Jason Alexander sitcom. You know, the guy who played George on Seinfeld? However, that caused some problems, and the studio’s security team had to remove him.”

“Why so?”

“Nobody ever laughed at that show.”

“I see. So, when did the trouble start?”

“It had to be when we got the new cell phone. Darn thing never did work right. Too much static. Always breaking up. Never could understand what people were saying on it. For example, we told one lady to make cat sounds at Ozzfest, but the connection was garbled and she thought we told her to make bat sounds. Big mistake. Took four roadies to pull Ozzy off of her.”

“I’ll bet.”

Then we told this guy to chirp like a canary during a Moby concert. Instead, he burped through the encores. “

“That had to be embarrassing.”

“Actually, that turned out okay. Moby sampled him for his next CD.”

“So, you’re saying that it was just a harmless little radio contest where people made animal sounds in public places, and that a malfunctioning cell phone caused all the problems.”

“That’s about the size of it. I know we should have replaced the cell phone, but we had already shot our budget on concert tickets for Sinead O’Connor and O.A.R. to give to the winners. However, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have told that couple from Virginia to make chicken sounds. But you know what they say, ‘hindsight is twenty-twenty.'”

“You mean?”

“That’s right. I never should have told those people to go cluck in that cathedral.”