“Wow! Look at all the recyclable empty bottles! I knew hanging outside Keith Richards’ dressing room was going to pay off. Hmmm… This one’s a little dusty. I’ll just shine it up and…. What’s with all this smoke? And… And… Uh? Who are you?”

“I’m the Genie of the Rebel Yell bottle. I’m here to grant you three wishes.”

“Three wishes, eh? Gosh, what should I wish for? I know. I’d like tickets for Paul McCartney’s show in Milwaukee on September 21. It’s opening night of the second leg of Macca’s tour, don’t you know.”

“Your wish is my command, little man. Tilt your head back and stick your finger up your nose.”

“You mean, like this? Uh? What’s this blockage in back sinus? Why, it’s two seats for Paul. Front row, too! Thank you Genie. Thank you!”

“You have two more wishes little man.”

“Two more wishes? Hmmm… I’d like tickets for Don Henley and The Ataris.”

“Your wish is my command, little man. Reach around and put your hands down your pants.”

“Uh, okay. Lessee… That’s not it. Okay, found them. Thank you, Genie. This is great!”

“You have one more wish, little man.”

“One more wish, eh? I guess I better not waste it. Hmmm… What should I wish for? I got it. You know, Genie, I really miss Napster. I used to spend hours downloading songs by SixWire, Autopilot Off and John Tesh. I know there’s other file-sharing networks out there, but they’re not the same as Napster. That’s my final wish. Bring Napster back.”

“I can’t do that, little man. The courts and the RIAA made powerful magic together when they shut down Napster, and I’m just the Genie of the Rebel Yell bottle. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do about it. Best to wish for something else.”

“Well… Alright. You know something, Genie, I’m 50 years old.”

“Oh, you want to be young again? No problemo.”

“No, Genie, but I have great memories of when I was a younger man, and I’d rush to my mailbox twice a month and pull out the new edition of Rolling Stone. I swear, that magazine used to talk to me. That’s right, me! It used to tell me about great acts like The Moody Blues and Brian Auger’s Oblivion Express, plus it was filled with great writing that mattered with articles by Tom Wolfe and Hunter S. Thompson, not to mention Annie Leibovitz’s incredible photographs. Yes, that’s what I want. That’s my third wish. I want Rolling Stone to return its glory days of my youth. I want it to be relevant, again.”

“Hmmm…”

“Well, what about it, Genie? Do I get my wish?”

“Hmmm…”

“Come on, Genie, cough it up. Do I get my third wish or don’t I?”

“I’m working on it, little man. Sigh… I suppose you want that cute little kitten with the headphones, too.”