“Not so good, Ralph. My party lost the election, my wife has a crush on George Bush, and to top it off, my clothing store is experiencing unexplained losses. Heck, if things don’t improve, I’ll have to start laying my workers off. I’m telling you, it’s tough being a liberal these days.”

“Ain’t it, though? But don’t let that get you down, Harry. Do what I do when life serves up a lemon.”

“Uh? Make lemonade?”

“Naw. Go to a concert.”

“Gosh, I’d love to, Ralph, but I’ve got to watch my spending. What with the holidays coming up and all.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ralph. It’s a proven fact that going to a show, no matter if it’s Ronan Keating, Def Leppard or BulletBoys, will lift your spirits and take your mind off of everything that’s bothering you.”


“Oh, sure. For example, remember when my son got popped by the copyright police last year for illegally distributing songs by Bon Jovi and The Rolling Stones on the Net?”

“Do I ever. What did he get? 15 years at hard labor?”

“More like 20. And you know, I thought I’d really miss him, but after seeing Air Supply and Keith Urban, I was willing to settle for a postcard at Christmas.”

“Wow! Concerts can do all that?”

“You bet. Like last month when I bet my family’s entire life savings on the Giants winning the series. Well, I don’t have to tell you how that turned out, but after seeing some great shows last week, like The Other Ones and The Blasters, Dumpster diving ain’t so bad.”

“That sounds pretty good, Ralph. But I don’t think seeing BR549 or Kool Keith will help take my mind off of the election.”

“Don’t knock it until you try it, Harry. Besides, you’ve got to rid yourself of that liberal notion that you can save the world. Forget about the whales, Enron, oil drilling in Alaska and human rights. As soon as you’re standing on top of your chair in a sports arena shouting out ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves’ with Cher, all of your problems will be solved.”

“You think so?”

“I know so, Harry. Now, what do you have planned for this weekend?”

“Well, Ralph, I was going to go to that Tree Huggers International rally on Saturday. Then on Sunday I was going to go help out at the soup kitchen, but after our little talk, I think I’ll see Aerosmith and Dave Matthews Band, instead.”

“That’s the spirit, Harry!”

“You know something, Ralph. You’re right. Just thinking about concerts has taken my mind of almost everything that’s bothering me.”


“Uh, uh. However, I still don’t know what I’m going to do about my clothing store. It seems as if merchandise is disappearing right off of the shelves. And I thought everything would improve once I hired a celebrity spokesperson to do my advertising.”

“Uh? How could you possibly afford to hire a celebrity spokesperson?”

“It’s not as expensive as you think, Ralph. Besides, Winona Ryder’s fee is incredibly reasonable.”