You say you never had the time to go to college? You say you could have been somebody, maybe a doctor or a lawyer, but something called “life” got in the way? And didn’t you just mumble something about how great it would be if your own personal experiences could count towards a degree, or maybe even a doctorate?

Presenting University, where your past concert-going experiences count as hard-earned college credits towards the degree of your choice.

By sending in your Phish ticket stubs or Ticketmaster receipts for Dave Matthews Band and The Other Ones, you can acquire the higher education you’ve always dreamed about while wasting away your years performing menial tasks for pennies an hour.

Just think of it! Did you mother always want you to go into medicine? At University you can turn your love for Saw Doctors into a valuable M.D. certificate, convert your long-time obsession with Tragically Hip into a chiropractic medicine degree and exchange your past experiences seeing Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers for a highly-coveted cardio-vascular specialist’s position with a major medical center.

But wait, there’s more.

At University a PhD in quantum mechanics awaits fans of Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe and an astronomy degree is reserved for faithful followers of Galactic. Plus, for those of you who have stuck with Guns N’ Roses over the years, a doctorate degree in chaos theory is yours for the asking.

Imagine! A college degree for the rest of us! A sheep skin for all those years spent seeing The Rolling Stones, Jimmy Buffett and Bryan Adams. Order your degree from University today, and soon, you’ll be saying:

“I’m one of the few who graduated from good old P.U.” University. All sales final. Void where prohibited.