I’ve managed to combine my favorite hobby with my career. It’s something I started doing years ago when I got my first job in the concert business working as a roadie for B.B. King, and I found myself doing this one thing whenever I felt a little anxious or nervous. Just one of those crazy things, but some people don’t understand how one man’s maddening little quirk can become another man’s reason for living.

You see, I love grinding my teeth.

There’s nothing like bringing all the pressure of my upper and lower jaws together for a good grind whenever I’m worried that the guitars will go out of tune during a Montgomery Gentry show or the sound board will go on the fritz while I’m crewing for Pearl Jam. I’ve worked for the best in the business, including Peter Gabriel, Phish and Insane Clown Posse, and whenever the unexpected happened, like when a speaker blew out or the tour bus got lost in traffic, I’d just sit back and chomp down like a Boy Scout rubbing two pieces of wood together to start a fire. Yeah, I just love the smell of fresh tooth enamel dust in the morning!

And now I find myself facing the most important job of my career. A task more challenging than when I worked as a hair tech for Bon Jovi or when I filled in as the back-bacon specialist on the last Bryan Adams tour. It’s a tough gig all right, but I’ll crush my bicuspids, scrape my incisors, and pulverize my molars through every stop, for this job is more important than my usual daily grind.

You see, I’m working for Guns N’ Roses, and it’s my job to make sure Axl gets to the show on time.

Gee, I just hope I don’t gum up the works.