Strictly “guy-to-guy” stuff. So if you ladies wouldn’t mind stepping out of the room for a moment, we’ll get this over with. Oh, the kids gotta go, too.

Alright, men, are we alone?

Look, it’s no secret that the economy is soft, and if you’re like most men, you probably don’t have as much to spend on Christmas as you usually do. However, because we’re men, we can’t admit to it. Right?

That’s why this Christmas I’m giving my family something that’s almost as good as a million bucks, but costs next to nothing. That’s why I’m making this Christmas a tour date Christmas with concert itineraries from

Picture this: It’s the day your kids have been waiting for all year. Their eyes fill with excitement as they dash into the living room and see all the presents under the tree. What could it be? X Boxes? PlayStations?

No, it’s the East Coast dates for Blues Clues Live and The Hager Twins. Got first-year college students on your shopping list this year? Give them the routing for Queens Of The Stone Age and they’ll be the hippest frosh in the dorm. And for the wife who’s probably bored getting the same old diamonds and gold rings every year, how about the European dates for Jethro Tull?

Myself, I’m giving my family nothing but tour dates this year. For my boy, Elroy, I’m giving him the Midwest dates for Styx. Daughter Judy gets the Bryan Adams European routing, while Jane, my wife, well, she has a thing for the co-headliners like Elton John / Billy Joel and Scorpions / Whitesnake.

I know my family’s going to love getting nothing but the best tour dates from this year. In fact, I think this might be the best Christmas since the time I gave each member of my family a jar of air taken from their favorite concert venue.

Well, that’s about all I have to say, except that you should probably order early because supplies are limited. Oh, you can let the little woman and the kids back in the room now. But remember, not a word about this. We want this to be a big surprise. Our little secret.

And we’ll make those new golf clubs we’re going to buy with all the money we save on tour dates “our little secret” as well. Merry Christmas. You man’s man, you.