Of course, you’d be wrong. For despite the newsworthy allure of tax cuts, a limp economy and tens of thousands of soldiers waiting for their marching orders, the media are only focused on one thing, and one thing only – Michael Jackson.

That’s why we’ve declared this space a Michael Jackson Free Zone. Let the other members of the press trip over themselves as they speculate, inundate, implicate and replicate countless stories of plastic surgery, multimillion dollar shopping sprees and better reproduction methods through chemistry. We’ll remain focused on what we do best – bringing you the latest dates for acts like Brazil, George Lopez and Bang Tango.

Just think of it! No candid interviews with lawyers describing how treacherous filmmakers bent, twisted and manipulated the simple story of a billionaire man-child and his carousels, Ferris wheels and magic trees. Rest assured, we’ll never slip so low that we’ll forsake important news, such as the new routing for Red Hot Chili Peppers or the latest dates for Bonnie Raitt and Lynch Mob, so that we may plumb the psyche of the most misunderstood pop phenomena since Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine. And you can forget about those jokes about how Michael keeps Tito around for spare parts. We’re above all that.

So, that’s about the size of it. We’re a Michael Jackson Free Zone and damn proud of it. Let the other media outlets garner fantastic ratings and mega ad dollars via special features dedicated to all that is Michael. We’ll just keep plugging along, entering dates for Berlin and updating the schedules for Elton John and Thunder, and we won’t stoop so low that we need to concoct yet another story about the King of Pop.

That is, unless he does something really weird. But what are the odds of that happening, eh?