We were perched on a barstool in the Gutter Ball Lounge down at the Rock N’ Bowl Emporium, waiting for an open lane. There’s nothing like bowling a few games to work off the stress accrued after spending the day gathering dates for Red Hot Chili Peppers and Live, and we were in no mood to be messed with.

However, he did look like the Bard of the Mississippi. Dressed in a white suit that would make Hal Holbrook proud, he said he was itchin’ for a match. “Bowling isn’t my game,” he said as he waved his cigar in the air. “But these gosh-darn musicians have been pestering me for months, and they’ve finally pinned me down.”

Then it all made sense, for as everyone knows, not only are rock stars enamoured with the tales of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, but they’re also greatest the bowling fans in the world, and the Rock N’ Bowl Emporium is THE hang-out in Fresno when artists like Ben Kweller or Warren Hill want to experience life in the fast lane.

“I can beat any musician in the house,” yelled Sam. “Come on! What are you waiting for? You turkeys!”

“Well, sure enough, the artists lined up, ready face off against Sam in a game of one on one. Avril Lavigne was first up, but missed the five-pin in the tenth frame for a final score of 199. Lisa Loeb was next, but had to split after a few frames. Then there was Guttermouth, which, well, they bowled as good as their name.

“Oh, come on, guys,” shouted Sam. “Spare me! Can’t anyone beat a 168-year-old author?”

You should have seen it. It was so quiet in that bowling alley that you could hear a pin drop. All the big stars, like silverchair and Reel Big Fish were huddled together, terrified that they’d be Sam’s next victim. Suddenly, a murmur rose from the crowd, and a man dressed in colorful scarves stepped forward. Could it be? Yes! The greatest bowler in rock n roll was in the house and it was game on!

“I can take you, old man,” said Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. “Let’s bowl!”

Well, Steven and Sam went at it, frame after frame, game after game, with each match ending in perfect scores. They continued into the wee hours of the morning. The most famous writer in American history against the legendary frontman who’s voice gave life to such hits as “Walk This Way,” Sweet Emotion” and “Dream On.” It looked as if it would never end, that neither man would draw the line. For Steven it looked as if going up against Samuel Clemens wasn’t like facing off against the other musicians, that it wasn’t the same old song and dance. And Sam? Well, Sam knocked down those pins like a man possessed, a man who was back in the saddle again.

In fact, you could say that Twain kept a bowlin’ – All night long.