“Oh, Horace, you shouldn’t have. I’ll bet it’s those tickets for Beck that I’ve always wanted.”

“Er, no.”

“Then it’s those Ani DiFranco tickets I’ve had my eye on. You know, the April 12 date in Joliet, Illinois? Oooh, I just love seeing a show in the same town where there’s a state prison.”

“Er, no, it’s not that either.”

“Wait a sec. You didn’t buy me tickets for Concrete Blonde in New York, did you? Oh, Horace, you know how much I love the Big Apple, what with all the subways and people sleeping on heating grates. Of course, I’ll have to buy some duct tape.”

“Skip the duct tape, Zelda. You’re not going to New York.”

“The Vines in Albuquerque on March 13?”

“No.”

“Taking Back Sunday in Detroit on April 1?”

“No.”

“Mudvayne in Montreal on March 2? Al Green in Tampa on April 7? Biohazard in Philly on April 10?”

“No, no and no, Zelda.”

“Then it has to be Pearl Jam in Toronto in June. Oh, Horace, I’m so excited! Of course, I’ll have to get my passport renewed.”

“Uh, Zelda…”

“And I’ll have to brush up on my Canadian-speak. Oh, those long, nasal-like vowel sounds are so difficult.”

“Uh, Zelda…”

“Lessee… Toronto in June. I’m definitely going to need buy some new sweaters. And I suppose I should replace my long underwear. After all, I remember what happened the last time we went to Canada and you ticked off that maple syrup engineer -“

“Zelda!”

“What is it, Horace?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Zelda, but… but…”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t buy you any concert tickets.”

“Oh, don’t be so silly, Horace. As if there’s anything else I want in life other than concert tickets. Come on, let me open my Valentine’s Day present.”

“Well… If you insist. Here you go, Zelda.”

“Hmmmm… What do we have here? Why, it’s a… a… a… “

“It’s a diamond ring, Zelda. 50 carats. Of course, you’ll have to keep your arm in a sling whenever you wear it. But that’s not all.”

“I can see that there’s something else in this box. Huh? What’s this? It looks like a brochure.”

“You got that right, Zelda. It’s a brochure describing the private villa I’ve rented for us in Tuscany for the entire month of May. Oh, and this is also for you.”

“Car keys?”

“Uh, uh. They’re for the Mercedes Benz parked out front.”

“Uh? Let me see if have this straight. For Valentine’s Day you’re giving me a diamond the size of a soccer ball, a private villa in Italy and a Mercedes Benz?”

“That’s right, Zelda.”

“But not any concert tickets. Not even for G. Love & Special Sauce in Vail, or Skeleton Key in Indianapolis in March.”

“I’m afraid not, Zelda. No tickets this year. Just diamonds, Italy and a finely crafted automobile. Happy Valentine’s Day, My love!”

“Er… sure, Horace. Happy Valentine’s Day…. I guess.”