“How goes it over at the U.N., Colin?”

“Not so good, Mr. President. Germany is defiant and France is still threatening a veto.”

“The French, eh? Did you warn them as to what this could do to the relationship between our two countries?

“I most certainly did, Mr. President.”


“The French ambassador said they would not be bullied.”

“Really, Colin? The French ambassador said that?”

“Well, not exactly, Mr. President.”

“Not exactly? Then, what did the French ambassador say?”

“He said, and I quote, ‘I don’t care if you threaten to build a hundred more Euro Disneys. We will not be bullied,’ unquote.”

“Hmmm… This is not good, Colin.”

“No, Mr. President. But there’s always Plan B.”

“Plan B, Colin?”

“Yes, Mr. President. Plan B.”

“I’m not quite sure I remember the details on that one, Colin. Would you mind bringing me up to speed on Plan B?”

“Not at all, Mr. President. Plan B is where we infiltrate their computer network with our own ‘Trojan Horse,’ so to speak. However, instead of crashing their mainframes, our little cyberspy will place a program on every hard drive in their country. A program not unlike Napster or Kazaa.”

“Go on.”

“Then, Mr. President, as soon as you give the word, we’ll activate that program. Upon which, their country will be flooded with MP3 files.”

“MP3 files?”

“Yes, Mr. President. Illicitly copied and distributed MP3 versions of songs by all the big acts. Dixie Chicks, Fleetwood Mac, Eagles.”


“Especially Yanni, sir. Plus Brooks & Dunn, Motorhead and Chantal Kreviazuk.”

“Then what happens?”

“Well, Mr. President, if our strategists are correct, they will become addicted to free music. In fact, they’ll think of nothing else. They’ll be too busy swapping songs by artists such as David Poe or Tom Petty to even think about weapons of mass destruction.”

“That’s Plan B, Colin? To distract them with free music by major acts like Dave Matthews Band or Cher? That doesn’t sound like much of a plan.”

“That’s only the first part, Mr. President.”

“Oh? And the second part, Colin?”

“When their hard drives are filled with songs by all the popular groups, like Blue Oyster Cult and matchbox twenty…”

“Yes, Colin?”

“That’s when we initiate Plan C.”

“Plan C? What’s Plan C?”

“Plan C is when you drop a dime to the RIAA. They send in the lawyers, and POOF! It’s all over.”

“The RIAA, eh? But isn’t that a little drastic, Colin?”

“Drastic times call for drastic measures, Mr. President.”

“Hmmm… Then I guess it’s true as to what they say.”

“Oh? What’s that, sir?”

“War is hell.”

“It most certainly is, Mr. President. It most certainly is.”