You see, things got a little out of hand yesterday. No, scratch that, things went totally to hell yesterday, and it’s going to take some time to sort everything out. Here, why don’t you look at the new schedule for Steely Dan while we tell you about it.

It started yesterday morning when our box office editor drove through the front gates dressed like Pancho Villa. He was quite the site – gun belts crisscrossing his chest, varooming around the parking lot on his Vespa while gulping courage from a flask filled with Jose Cuervo, shooting his pistols in the air, all the while screaming out “GET READY TO RUMBLE!” Thankfully, he can’t hit the broadside of a Lollapalooza tour bus, and he completely missed the trucks bringing in the new itinerary shipments, such as the new routing for Lowen & Navarro or the extra dates for Ted Nugent and Joan Baez, else we would have had some real problems.

But it didn’t stop with him. When we walked into the offices we discovered our news department had degenerated into a no-holds-barred grudge match of strip Twister. We couldn’t believe our own eyes. Clothes and tour dates, such as k.d. lang playing in Houston on April 30th and May 1st, were scattered everywhere. And the exposed flesh! There’s a reason the good lord gave us Calvin Klein and Versace, and that was no better exemplified than by the sight the news editor throwing our gossip columnist up against the wall and painting the routings for Jason Mraz, Bowling For Soup and Embodyment across his bare buttocks. Disgusting!

But that wasn’t anything compared to what happened when one of the salespeople decided to free all the creatures in the petting zoo, the habitat where we keep all animals used to test the firmness of incoming data like the new schedules for Trey Anastasio and Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey. You can guess what happened. The rhinos immediately charged across the compound, while the elephants used their trunks to pick up our employees’ cars and hurl them across the parking lot. Needless to say, the man from AAA was not amused.

But that’s all over now. Most of the animals have returned to their cages, our news department has suddenly rediscovered their modesty, and our box office editor has run out of tequila and bullets. It’s back to normal, processing schedules for artists like Rachael Lampa and Alex Skolnick and bands like Creedence Clearwater Revisited, Sixpence None The Richer and Stone Sour. But yesterday was one helluva day to remember. A day that we’ll tell our grandchildren about in the years to come. However, let us point out that we don’t expect another day like yesterday. At least, not in the near future.

After all, by now they should be used to Daylight Savings Time.