“Coming right up. Say, I haven’t seen you in here for a while. I guess being president of a major university keeps you pretty busy.”

“I’ll say. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Falling enrollment figures, legal challenges to our entrance requirements, rampant sex in the agricultural department – I’m telling you, it’s not easy running an institute of higher learning in the new millennium. Heck, if it wasn’t for Clear Channel buying our student radio station, we would never have broken even last term. And to top it off, now I have the RIAA on my back.”

“File sharing, eh?”

“You got it. It’s like they want me to be some kind of data cop and constantly monitor my school’s intranet for the illicit trading of songs by acts like Joe Cocker and Bruce Cockburn. Hah! Like I don’t already have enough to do.”

“But copyright infringement is a serious issue. After all, record labels take a big financial risk with every CD they release, no matter if it’s by Neil Young, R.E.M. or Paul McCartney. You can’t blame them for trying to protect their property.”

“I know, but I’ve got a school to run. I can’t spend every waking moment watching the network for someone trading Rick Derringer songs. Our football team lost all its games last year. Plus, the boosters club wants me to increase the bail fund for the basketball team. I mean, gimme a break. Sheesh…”

“It’s that bad, eh?”

“That’s only the half of it. For instance, I dropped by one of the dorms last week. You don’t want to know what I saw. Absolutely frightening.”

“Oh? Try me.”

“Well, for starters everyone was gathered around computers, and they were trading songs like there was no tomorrow.”

“Really?”

“Uh, uh. You name the artist or band, and all their songs were free for the taking. Longwave? Their latest CD was on over 300 computers.”

“That’s incredible! What about Linkin Park?”

“700 computers.”

“Goldfinger?”

“900 computers, including 300 iMacs, 590 PCs and ten mainframes.”

“And David Lee Roth?”

“Two cassettes and an 8 track.”

“Gosh, I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

“Nobody does. And don’t get me started on the binge drinking, as well as all the public nudity. Heck, I even saw one guy who was lying on the floor stark naked and slurping tequila from a dog dish while downloading songs by Dixie Chicks and Fleetwood Mac.”

“That’s disgusting!”

“You’re telling me? And I’m supposed to walk in and tell everyone to stop? Sure, I sympathize with the record labels, but it’s not like I can shut down the entire intranet.”

“I hear you. But on the other hand, your students must learn to respect intellectual property.”

“Uh?”

“Your students. They must really be a handful.”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about my students.”

“You weren’t?”

“Oh, no. I was talking about the faculty.”