“My name is Wally, and I have credit problems.”

“In a little too deep, are we?”

“Like the captain of the Titanic, Gordon.”

“I see. Why don’t you tell me all about it?”

“Well, Gordon, it started out when I needed to buy a pair of ZZ Top tickets, but I was a little short on cash. So I put the tickets on my credit card.”

“That’s how it usually starts, Wally.”

“I hear you, Gordon. For no sooner did I charge those tickets, that my local promoter announced a new date for Hootie & The Blowfish.”

“Let me guess. They’re your favorites.”

“You betcha, Gordon. In less than five minutes I racked up an extra $100 on my plastic.”

“And you couldn’t afford to pay off the balance when the statement came due?”

“You got it, Gordon. So, I sent the credit card company half of the balance, figuring that I’d pay the other half the following month.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“But the next week tickets for Bruce Cockburn, R.E.M. and that Justin Timberlake / Christina Aguilera co-headline went on sale.”

“And since you were still short on cash, you used your credit card.”


“But that’s only what, an extra $250? $300? Sure, you ended up carrying over the balance, but that’s hardly what I would call a credit problem.”

“Then the next day I bought tickets for Janis Ian and The Dead. And the day after that it was the Aerosmith / KISS tour. Then the following day it was The Lovin’ Spoonful, 38 Special, Leon Redbone and B.B. King. And then Eagles and Bon Jovi the following day. Then came the weekend and there were new dates for Grand Funk Railroad on sale, so -“

“All right! Enough. I get the picture. How much are you in for, Wally?”

“$1,879,315, including service charges.”

“And how much do you make per year?”

“$13,500 gross, $8,000 net. Plus I haven’t made a payment in over six months and the credit company has yanked my card. What am I going to do?”


“Can you help me? Everybody says Gordon Gekko Credit Counselors are the best in town. Can you help me, Gordon? Can you?”

“Relax. Sure, I can help you, Wally. The answer is quite simple once you look at the big picture.”

“It is?”

“Of course it is. You’ve overextended your credit, you owe more money than you’ll net in over ten years, yet more concerts are announced every day, like Kasey Chambers playing in Boulder, Colorado, on June 18.

“That’s right! And I sooo need to buy tickets for that show.”

“I know you do, Wally.”

“So, what’s the solution, Gordon?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious, Wally? You’re going to need a new credit card.”