“Coming right up, Harry. Say, why the sad sack, sport?”

“It’s my wife, Joe. She kicked me out of the house last night.”

“Sounds serious. Wanna talk about it?”

“I just don’t understand it, Joe. I mean, I thought it was the best Memorial Weekend vacation I had ever planned.”

“Vacation? Where did you go.”

“Where did I go? Where does everyone want to go on Memorial Weekend, Joe?”

“You don’t mean.”

“That’s right. Fresno, California.”

“Get out! You went to Fresno? The `Rockingest Place On Earth?’ I’ve always wanted to go there for Memorial Weekend. Tell me, what was it like?”

“Better than my wildest dreams, Joe. All the big names were hanging out, like Cher, The Allman Brothers Band, even The Rolling Stones. Heck, you couldn’t spit without hitting a pop star. I know. I tried.”

“That’s incredible.”

“You’re telling me? That’s only the half of it. Radioheadgave out autographs, KISS held a fire-belching contest and Steely Dan hosted a seminar on how to write ambiguous lyrics.”

“Stop it! You’re killing me with my own jealousy. Hey, is it true about those automations? That they look just like the real thing?”

“Even better, Joe. And that finale, where all the automated roadies and groupies march down the main street singing `It’s A Concert World After All,’ in their Munchkin-like voices, topped off by that impromptu Yanni / Neil Young jam session. I thought I had died and gone to Heaven.”

“I’ll bet. And now your wife has kicked you out of the house? After a weekend like that?”

“Yeah. After the best vacation possible, she boots me out the door. Go figure.”

“Well, maybe she didn’t like weather.”

“No way. It was typical Fresno Memorial Weekend weather.”

“95 in the shade? The famous `dry heat?’ Well, then, maybe she didn’t like the bands.”

“Are you kidding? There’s no way she couldn’t have liked Aerosmith, Rollins Band and Fleetwood Mac. No way, I’m telling you. Now way at all.”

“But how can you be so sure?”

“Because I didn’t take her.”

“Uh… What?”

“Couldn’t afford tickets for two.”

“And now she’s kicked you out of the house. Well, I hope you learned your lesson.”

“I sure did, Joe. And you know what? All that b.s. about how `absence makes the heart grow fonder?’ It’s highly overrated.