And we’d like to thank all of you for taking the time to attend this meeting of users. We’ll begin with the roll call. Raise your hands if you’re here.

There comes a time when a Web site must take a stand. For too long we’ve idly stood by watching while those in power infringe upon our rights. Hear us now or hear us when it’s too late. Are we going to wait until they start locking up the Marilyn Manson fans before we stand up and fight for what we believe in? Come on. Raise your hands if you’re with us!

This country was founded upon certain unalienable rights – The right to see David Bowie, the right to buy tickets for Anthrax and Jets To Brazil and the right to go to this year’s Ozzfest 2003 and party until you pass out in a puddle of your own sweat, then get up the next day and do it all over again at Vans Warped Tour. Are we going to let them take these rights away from us? Come on! Let’s see those hands in the air!

Of course, in order to launch this campaign to protect our rights, we need a figurehead. A person who has unjustly been accused of wrongdoing. Someone we can rally behind as they face their accusers. Someone everyone recognizes as a good, hard-working, honest American, regardless of whether that person shares your musical tastes or is a fan of Journey, Alex Skolnick or Justin Timberlake. Are you ready to stand up for a fellow American? Let’s see those hands. All right!

Now, who wants to be first to sign our petition to free Martha Stewart?

Hmmm… Don’t everybody raise their hand at once.