It happened yesterday while we were pursuing our favorite hobby; creating blown-glass renditions of music stars’ homes. Here, why don’t you browse the new dates for UB40 and R.E.M. while we tell you about it?
It all started yesterday as we were putting the finishing touches on a perfect, blown-glass replica of Eminem’s Detroit-area home, including the gold-plated Weber BBQ in the back yard as well as the pink flamingos on the front lawn. Boy, were we proud! It was shaping up to be one of our best blown-glass creations ever. That is, until they appeared.
That’s right, our glass-blowing pastime was interrupted by those legendary bad boys of rock, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and company.
As usual, Mick was the instigator. “Hah!,” exclaimed the Mickster who was obviously unimpressed with our glass blowing efforts. “You call that art? Me and my mates will show you what real glass blowing is all about.”
And show us they did. Charlie led off by grabbing the blowpipe and cranking out an incredible rendition of Ted Nugent’s farm, including the Motor City Madman’s recording studio and his collection of stuffed French Poodles. Not to be outdone, that’s when Ron Woods, after spending five or so minutes clearing out his lungs, put the blowpipe to his lips and rendered a fantastic glass-blown version of Robert Plant’s Tudor mansion, complete with a school of mudsharks in the swimming pool. We were starting to feel outclassed.
“That’s nothing,” said Mick. “Here, let me show you a little trick I learned from David Bowie.” And with that, Mick huffed and puffed and cranked out a blown-glass version of Ozzy Osbourne’s home, including 29 cats in the front yard, as well as precise renditions of family members Sharon, Jack and Kelly. “I would have included their daughter, Aimee,” said Mick. “But I’ve never seen her.”
You can guess how the rest of the day went. Mick, Charlie and Ron spent the day creating blown-glass versions of homes owned by all their friends, including the abodes belonging to The BellRays, Evanescence and The White Stripes. However, while all this glass blowing was going on, we couldn’t help but notice Keith Richards sitting in a corner, strangely silent.
“What about it, Keith?” we exclaimed, certain that the one of the most legendary guitarists of all time could easily top his mates when it came to whipping up glass-blown versions of pop artists’ homes. “Wanna give it a shot?”
“Well, I’ll try,” he said as he put the blowpipe to his lips, took a deep breath and exhaled over the fire.
We should have known better. The blast resulting from the volatile combination of extreme heat and Keith’s breath blew out the front wall and shattered all of the day’s glass creations, including the exquisitely rendered versions of the homes owned by Liz Phair and Sheryl Crow.
Needless to say, we’ve learned our lesson. We learned that when it comes to glass blowing, musicians, fire and sand just don’t mix. We’ve learned that one should never play with fire, and that for true, glass-blowing satisfaction, one must never be caught standing in the shadows while Jumping Jack Flash and his crew attempt to one-up each other by creating beautiful glass-blown renditions of musician’s homes.
But most important of all, we learned that people in The Stones should never blow glass houses.