I tried everything! Health clubs, Starbucks, even group therapy, but I didn’t meet the man of my dreams until I joined [email protected].

All over the world concert fans are discovering their future significant others through [email protected]…

Tonight’s our first date. I can hardly wait. I mean, I never thought I’d find a man who likes both Sheryl Crow and Canadian cuisine. But find him I did and tonight we’re going out on the town!

At [email protected] we push concert compatibility to the limit so that you can meet that dream come true…

I just know this man is the one for me. Not like that guy I met through that other dating service. Oh, no. That guy was all wrong. After he took me to see Dixie Chicks, he didn’t call me until well after lunch the next day. What a jerk!

What makes shack-up@pollstar different than those other online dating services? We go deeper than just a few lines of exaggerated text and an airbrushed photo. Our 9,417-page questionnaire covers every single facet of the dating experience…

But I know tonight’s guy is special. We’re going to see a lot of each other, just you wait and see. He’ll buy me tickets for 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts and Evanescence. We’ll sit in the Cher audience holding hands and swaying back and forth to “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.” Maybe he’ll even buy me my own membership to the “Weird Al” Yankovic fan club. Oh, I can only hope!”

Once you complete the 145,211 questions designed to explore every detail of your private life, our computers will scan our database to find that special someone. That someone just for you…

We’ll, I better get ready for tonight’s date. After all, a girl has to look her best to impress a man in this day and age. Lessee. Makeup? Check. Fingernail polish? Check. Botox booster shot? Check.

At [email protected], we’re making the world a better place. One couple at a time…

Oh, oh. Five minutes late. Good thing I bought new bullets this morning. Perhaps a shot grazing his left cheek will teach him never to disappoint a lady.

What are you waiting for? Love is just around the corner once you register for [email protected]…

Oh, oh. Thirty minutes late. I guess he’s not going to show, the coward. I guess I’ll be spending my lunch hour, tomorrow, stalking another no-show. Again.

Yes, at [email protected], not only will you meet your heart’s desire. Not only will you find someone who loves Aerosmith, Cold and Steely Dan as much as you do…

Wait a second. Someone is pulling into my driveway right now. Is that him? Could it be?

You’ll also get the match you deserve…

Oh, heck. It’s just my parole officer.

Sign up today!