You know what we’re talking about. Summer’s almost over and have you seen any shows? Shame on you!

There you are, still sitting in the same chair we saw you in last spring, looking up tour data for Simply Red or Alice Cooper, and saying to yourself, “Gee, there are a lot of good shows this summer. Who should I see?” Then, before you know it, summer’s gone and you haven’t seen a single concert. What’s wrong with you?

Now, don’t go saying that it will be different next year, for we’ve heard that line before. You’ll start off the summer saying that you’ll see Michael Buble and Jason Ringenberg, maybe even Jason Mraz, but instead of getting your flabby rear end down to Ticketmaster, you’ll end up sitting in that chair, staring at the computer monitor and putting off until tomorrow what you can do today. You’re despicable!

What would the rest of the world be like if everybody acted like you? If doctors kept putting off needed surgery, if farmers kept putting off harvesting their crops, if funeral directors kept putting off services? We’ll tell you where we’d be. Our hospitals would be jammed with sick, starving people neck-deep in corpses. Not a pretty picture, is it?

But there’s still time. You still have a few weeks to hustle down to the ticket outlet and buy tickets for Ozzfest, Modest Mouse, and while we think about it, Mana. For if you don’t support the concert industry, mighty damns will give way, the locusts will swarm, crops will whither, and Mariah Carey might even make another movie.

Let’s review. YOU’RE GOING TO GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND BUY SOME TICKETS THIS WEEKEND. There, do we need to draw you a picture? Now, go out there and do it. Don’t make us come looking for you on Monday.

Oh, and have a nice day. Peace.