“How was your day, dear?”

“Incredible. You won’t believe what happened to me on the way home from work.”


“The office closed early, so I thought I’d stop by the Ticketmaster to browse the floor seats for Shania Twain and David Bowie, and maybe see if any George Strait tickets had been kicked back into the system.”

“You mean, like when people die and can’t use them and stuff?”

“Exactly. But when I walked into the place, all these bells started ringing.”

“Uh? That’s what happened during my kleptomania days when I tried walking out of Tower Records with that Misfits CD in my pocket.”

“Then the lights started flashing, and a big banner with ‘Congratulations!’ printed on it dropped down from the ceiling. As it turned out, I was Ticketmaster’s one zillionth customer!”

“You’re kidding!”

“Oh, it was fantastic! All the press was there, including television, radio and Drudge, plus celebrities like Dick Cavett, as well as the biggest promoter in the world.”

“Mr. Clear Channel was there?”

“Well, it was his son, actually. After all, it is a family business.”

“Thaddeus Victor Channel? Still, that’s pretty impressive.”

“I’ll say. Nice guy, too. Told me to call him ‘TV’ and he introduced me to his wife, Coco. Plus, his cousin from London was there, too.”

“The English Channel? Amazing. So, what happened next?”

Well, the The Irish Rovers came out and sang the Ticketmaster theme song.”

“‘Ticketmaster, My Ticketmaster?’ I love that song!”

“Who doesn’t? Anyway, the Rovers do their number, then TV starts giving me all these tickets for great shows like Genitorturers and Mannheim Steamroller.”

“Gosh, honey, you’re right. That really is remarkable.”

“But that’s not all. Just when I thought it was over, TV tells me, that as Ticketmaster’s one zillionth customer, I am to receive a very special pair of tickets. Tickets for a brand new tour. A tour that has never happened before.”

“What? A tour that has never toured? What was it? A new band? MTV’s flavor of the week?”

“Better than that, honey. Look.”

“Uh? Two tickets to see… see… Oh, my God!”

“That’s right! Two front row tickets to see Dave Matthews & Friends, featuring Trey Anastasio, Brady Blade, Tony Hall, Ray Paczkowski and Tim Reynolds! Plus, Emmylou Harris is also on the bill.”

“What? All that talent on the same stage? That’s fantastic!”

“Yep! Plus free parking the night of the show.”

“Let me see if I got this straight. You stopped by the local Ticketmaster, where, as it turns out, you’re their one zillionth customer. You’re given a bunch of free tickets for great shows like Bryan Adams and that Aerosmith / KISS co-headline. And then, just when you think you’ve seen it all, the promoter gives you a pair of front row tickets to see Dave Matthews & Friends? You’re right, honey, that really is incredible. It’s… It’s… Unbelievable!”

“I told you.”

“Never in a million years would I believe this.”

“Believe it, honey. It’s true.”

“I mean, who would have ever thought a promoter would give us free parking?”

“I know. Kind of rekindles your faith in human nature, doesn’t it?”