Is it possible to have an Eric Clapton routing monkey on your back? Do you jones for John Prine dates? Can one be hooked on the Blue Oyster Cult European schedule?

Here at Pollstar.com we worry a lot about addiction. Ever since that fateful day in 1984 when our founder, Festus Pollstar, checked himself into the Betty Ford Center to be treated for a heavy addiction to Liquid Paper, we’ve studied and researched the potentially addictive qualities of tour dates. We’ve explored both the physical and psychological signs of concert routing dependence, and what we’ve discovered is not for the faint of heart.

First of all, tour date addiction can happen to anyone regardless of income, social class or political affiliation. For example, you’d be surprised at the number of upper middle class Republicans that are addicted to the Genitorturers routing. Likewise for middle class Democrats and the Simon & Garfunkel itinerary, for they claim there’s something about putting aside one’s differences to work for the common good of the tour. Or something like that.

But how addictive are tour dates? Furthermore, can such an addiction be harmful? While the jury is still out as to whether or not tour dates, such as those found in the routing for Dave Matthews & Friends, can physically harm a person, there is some evidence that the cure may be worse than the habit, and that people trying to go cold turkey from looking at schedules for bands like Guster or artists such as Shania Twain or David Bowie, are flirting with disaster.

For instance, back in 1983 we took several beagle puppies and forced them to spend eight hours each day for fifteen years staring at monitors displaying dates for The Doobie Brothers, Fleetwood Mac and the Eagles. While most of the dogs appeared healthy throughout the duration of the experiment, we found that they eventually ended up sniffing at that great fire hydrant in the sky shortly after we separated the mutts from the routing schedules. Multiply that by seven human years for every dog year, and the evidence would seem to indicate that people over 90 may very well have the most to lose by suddenly swearing off concert routings. Alarming? We think so.

What are the signs of tour date addiction? We’ve found that people that spend at least an hour a day looking at tour routings, like the schedules for Barenaked Ladies or Dierks Bentley, often exhibit symptoms ranging from a gentle benevolence directed at their friends and coworkers to an extreme desire to teach the world to sing and /or buy it a Coke. However, it’s the withdrawal symptoms that are the most shocking, including seizures, violent flatulence, chronic drooling and an extreme desire to watch each and every episode of Ed with the TV volume turned down while listening to Rush Limbaugh on the radio.

What can you do if you have a friend or relative addicted to tour dates? The evidence is clear. Like the old admonishment against waking up sleepwalkers, you do not want to take the object of a tour addict’s desire away from him or her. History shows that the Lee Harvey Oswalds, the David Berkowitzs and the Robert Blakes of the world were well-adjusted people until someone took their tour schedules away from them. In fact, tour dates may be the only thing keeping this big blue ball known as Earth from coming apart at the seams.

So when considering whether or not people can become addicted to tour dates, one must consider the alternative: a world without routings for Crystal Gayle, Phish or Elvis Costello. In other words, do you want a world filled with peace, love and understanding? Or do you prefer a world filled with thousands of Phil Spectors? The choice is yours.

Reprints of this article available upon request.