“Uh? Why are you being so nice to me, Marge?”

“Can’t a wife treat her husband with the love and respect that he deserves after working a long, hard day down at the MP3 factory? Especially if her husband is taking her to Las Vegas to see Fleetwood Mac.”


“I know. You wanted the tickets to be a surprise. But they came in the mail today. Oh, honey! I’m so excited!”

“Uh, sit down, Marge. There’s something I have to tell you. Those tickets -“


“Uh, they aren’t for you and me. Well, that’s not quite right. The tickets are for me… And your best friend.”

“My best friend?”

“That’s right, Marge. You see… You see… Oh, there isn’t any easy way to say this. Helen and I are having an affair.”

“An affair?”

“Uh, uh. It started during the recall election. While you were organizing that grass-roots, Bosoms for Arnold committee, I was secretly seeing your best friend Helen. It started the night Cher was playing at the sports arena. We had a pair of tickets for that show, remember? It was the same night Arnold came to town. You said you couldn’t go to the show because Arnold needed you to go down to the mall and and help him grope for swing votes. So I took Helen.”


“Now I know you’re shocked, Marge, but it hasn’t been easy for me either. All this sneaking around with Helen behind your back in order to see The Nadas and Joe Bonamassa.”

“Sneaking behind my back?”

“Yes, but it’s all out in the open now, and I feel much better about it. No more lies so that I could take Helen to see Sarah Brightman. No more checking into seedy motels after seeing Sugarcult and Indigo Girls. No more unbridled lust in the parking lot before the Paul Anka show. No more ropes, chandeliers and whipped cream.”


“And those tickets you found in the mail today? Those tickets are for Helen and myself. She and I are flying off to Vegas this Saturday, where I’ll get a quickie, Nevada-style divorce before the show. After which, Helena and I will move to St. George, Utah, to start our new lives together.”


“That’s right, Marge. I didn’t want you to learn about it this way. I was going to phone you from Utah after it was all over. Gosh, I’m sorry.”

“I… I…”

“I know you’re shocked, Marge.”

“But I’ve known Helen for years. Ever since we were little girls.”

“I know this must be a big surprise for you, Marge. You must be astonished.”

“Astonished? Astonished doesn’t nearly describe how I feel right now. I mean, I’ve known Helen forever, and I… I…


“I had no idea she was a Fleetwood Mac fan.”

“Actually it’s Lindsey Buckingham. She’s crazy about him.”

“Really? And you think you know some people.”