You’re at a party, and you’re chatting up one of those supermodels like Naomi or Gisele or Heidi. You dazzle her with your knowledge of world affairs, you amaze her with your stock market savvy and you blow her away with your intellectual wit. Yes, it looks like the start of a beautiful relationship. You’re in like Flynn.

Then it happens.

Some yahoo walks up and mentions that he just saw Dream Theater. He casually declares that he has front row seats for David Bowie in Boston, and that just last week he went backstage and met Jewel. He drops a few names like Axl, Mick and Phil, and before you know it, you’re left standing there with your thumb up your nose while that sucking sound caused by your masculinity imploding echoes across the room.

It’s not easy being a man in the new millennium. Today’s man must deal with challenges like a madly fluctuating stock market and deciding between TiVo and ReplayTV, not to mention trying to adjust to those new, non-beer malt beverages. Heck, when you consider just how tough it is being a man in the 21st century, it’s not surprising that your concert IQ, along with your love life, has taken a tumble. You need an edge. You need a leg up on the competition.

You need Riff Notes.

Introducing the smart way to keep you in the social spotlight. With Riff Notes, you can brush up on all of the big concerts, like Sting, Limp Bizkit and Yanni, without leaving the comfort of your own home.

Do you want people to think you’ve seen every arena show by Styx? Our nostalgia series start at $4.95. Or perhaps radio station Christmas shows are your bag. From the to the , we’ve got you covered. And we have yet to meet a supermodel that can resist a man who can recite every song Korn played back when they were a struggling bar band in Bakersfield, California.

But wait, there’s more.

We also do custom reports. Pick any concert, like Fleetwood Mac, matchbox twenty or Snoop Dogg, and we’ll go to the show and make a full report. We’ll track the songs, make note of the costumes and sample the concessions. All for the price of the ticket along with a $500 per diem.

So what are you waiting for?’s Riff Notes is your ticket to dating Nirvana. After all, in the fast-paced world that is 2002, it’s more important that people think you have a social life than it is to actually get out and shake it once in a while. With’s Riff Notes, you’ll have it made in the shade.

Oh, and get that thumb out of your nose. Do you think Laetitia or Elle will want to hang with you if you’re constantly mining for gold?