“Honey! Wake up, Hawkeye!”

“Huh? Wassamatta?”

“I don’t know, Hawkeye, but it sounded like you were having a bad dream.”

“I was. A real doozy of nightmare.”

“You want to talk about it, dear?”

“I dreamed I was back in Korea. Back at the old 4077.”

“You mean that M.A.S.H. unit where we met fifty years ago?”

“Uh, uh. And Frank and Hot Lips were in charge.”

“No wonder you were screaming, dear. That sounds like one heckuva nightmare.”

“Oh, it was, it was. Inspections every morning, followed by fifty-mile hikes. And to top it off, they made Trapper and me throw out our still.”

“Well, it’s only a dream, Hawkeye. Go back to sleep, dear.”

“But I can’t sleep. That nightmare left me wide awake.”

“Then do what I do when I can’t sleep.”

“What’s that?”

“I think about the tours.”


“You know, the tours. Like Kid Rock playing two nights in Saginaw, Michigan.”

“Saginaw? Oh, you must mean .”

“Right. Or Bryan Adams playing in Chicago in January.”

“Bryan Adams? The most wonderous, most incredible Canadian musician of all time??”

“That’s right, Hawkeye. You see, whenever I have problems sleeping I always run the big tours through my mind, like matchbox twenty, Ozzy Osbourne and Elvis Costello. I picture all those dates, cities and venues, and, before you know it, I’m sleeping like a baby.”

“Are you’re sure that will work?”

“I know it will work, dear. Now, think of one of your favorite acts, like Britney Spears or Linkin Park.”


“Now, picture the routings in your mind.”

“Lessee. Rod Stewart… Buffalo, New York, Boston… Hey, you’re right. I’m feeling drowsy already.”

“I knew you would, dear. And when you finish with that itinerary, there’s plenty more to count, like Travis, Westlife and Yanni.”

“You were right, honey. I feel totally relaxed.”

“That’s my Hawkeye. Just keep counting those tours, and before you know it, you’ll be drifting off to dreamland.”

“Okay. I just hope I don’t have any more nightmares about Korea.”

“You won’t. But even if you do, Korea wasn’t that bad. After all, that’s where we met. And if we had never met, we never would have had fifty wonderful years together.”

“Well, now that you put it that way, I guess dreaming about the old M.A.S.H. unit isn’t so bad after all.”

“That’s the spirit, dear. Goodnight, Hawkeye.”

“Uh uh. Goodnight, Radar.”