Features
Tours de Farce: Nip & Tuck
The news media is all over it, the government wants to bust those responsible and conspiracy theorists are screaming “cover up!” Has there ever been a more absurd, more surreal moment in history?
That’s right. In a world filled with terrorists, the MyDoom computer virus and new dates for Metallica, the only thought that occupies the minds of most Americans today is Janet Jackson’s starboard mammary gland.
Now, we’ll admit, Justin’s revealing swipe across Ms. Jackson’s bosom did catch our attention on Super Bowl Sunday, and we were more than a little shocked when we saw the visual-that-is-forbidden explode upon our TV screen. In fact, you might even say we couldn’t believe our own eyes when all of America got a peep of Ms. Jackson’s perky peak of pleasure. Thank God for Tivo.
But it’s time to move on. We have dates for Red Hot Chili Peppers and Rufus Wainwright to enter, plus new schedules for Jewel, “Weird Al” Yankovic and X to post. It’s time to toss the unveiling of Ms. Jackson’s magnificent mound of fullness into the attic of pop culture nostalgia, to be pulled out sometime in the far future as we brag to our grandchildren that “we were there” to witness the nipple seen around the world.
And to those who scream that they are shocked, yes, shocked at Ms. Jackson’s and Mr. Timberlake’s antics on Super Bowl Sunday, we have only one thing to say. GET OVER IT. That’s right. LIGHTEN UP. Better yet, check out the latest dates for Flogging Molly and Ben Kweller. The spilling of Ms. Jackson’s stupendous spheroid is not the end of the world, surely not for a nation that has a presidential election coming up, and a moon mission to Mars to launch. It is time to stop obsessing over Ms. Jackson’s opulent orb. Besides, the events of the Super Bowl halftime show could have been much worse.
It could have been Kid Rock’s nipple.