For example, consider the new routing for Cher. All those dates lining up one after another, the cities falling into place, the dates following a symmetry so fine, yet absolute, it’s as if it has a life of its own. A wondrous creature of delight and precision, it personifies all that is magnificent and glorious.

Tour schedules are like that. Like the egg pushed through the chicken’s birth canal, driven by the internal, agonizing ache of creation until it pops forth onto the light, not unlike the labor experienced by countless promoters and booking agents struggling to produce the tours for an Eric Clapton or a David Bowie. As a wise man once said, from only an intense pain can come great reward, often symbolized and described by a combination of date, city and venue, such as Bob Dylan appearing in Toronto on March 19.

Unfortunately, there are those among us who ignore the magnificent splendor that is the itinerary for Aerosmith or the routing for David Byrne. They pay no heed to the miraculous sensation that is the timetable for Galactic, and they disregard the agenda for Local H. They look upon concert schedules, such as the listings for John Prine and Journey as only a calendar of events, and they fail to understand the deep, spiritual meaning exemplified by the logistics inherent in the schedule for Britney Spears or Jefferson Starship. And they are doomed to wander the sports arenas and amphitheatres as they search for the answers to life’s questions, even though, for the rest of us, those answers are as clear as the line up for the – multi-day, multi-wonderful, multi-terrific!

Is there anything in this universe more perfect than a tour schedule? One could wander the four ends of the earth and seek out the corners of civilization, yet find no greater wonder than the course plotted for Lydia Lunch, Jewel, or The Strokes. For tour schedules are the ultimate perfection, transcending mathematics, geographical restraints and ideological boundries. They bring humanity together in a throbbing, pulsing explosion of musical gratification that defines who we are and determines where we are going. Are you ready to experience the future? The future of life, the universe and tours?

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