That’s right. I have Lou Costello’s Disease – The inability to distinguish between different performers who have the same, or similar sounding, first names.

As you can guess, it has been responsible for more than a few problems. Like that time I saw Ryan Adams in concert and I kept yelling out for “Cuts Like A Knife.” Took 97 stitches across the left side of my face to stop the bleeding. Man, that cat sure hits hard for a Canadian.

Or that time I met Sting Crosby, and I asked him which song he liked best – “White Christmas” or “Almost Cut My Hair” – as well as who was more fun to work with – Stewart Copeland or Bob Hope? Then there was that time I met Alan White and I commented on how fortunate he was to have a band like Yes to fall back on. You know, after being kicked out of that other British band? But he just gave me a blank stare and said, “Oasis, who?”

So you can imagine what kind of problems I’ve had with Ozzfest.

Sure, there was that entire Ozzy, Harriet and Sharon thing to deal with. Talk about confusing! On one hand you have a famous family with their own TV show starring a father named Ozzie who schleps around muttering incoherently. Then, on the other hand, you have that other show called The Osbournes. Heck, who wouldn’t be confused?

But after years of therapy, followed by the latest in electronic behavior modification techniques, I got it all straightened out. And I’m really looking forward to seeing this year’s Ozzfest, with a reunited Rob Halford / Judas Priest rockin’ the main stage along with Zakk Wylde’s Black Label Society, Dimmu Borgir and Superjoint Ritual, while Slipknot heads up a lineup that includes Hatebreed and Lamb Of God on Stage #2.

So you see, I’m totally clear on the difference between Ozzy and Ozzfest, and Ozzie and Harriet. I’m not confusing Ricky with Jack, and I’m definitely not expecting to see Sharon greet Ozzy at the door with a plate of cookies. I’ve got my Lou Costello’s Disease under control and I know everything there is to know about Ozzfest.

Well, almost everything.

I still can’t figure out where the Munchkins fit in.