Tours de Farce: Rules We Live By
But we’ve been going over the new Pollstar.com employee manual, and our boss says we have to sign the acknowledgement stating that we fully understand all the new rules and regs. Here, why don’t you look at the new schedules for Lionel Richie and UFO while we finish up here.
Employee manuals are important, for a corporate list of do’s and don’ts is often like the rules of life itself; those original “shalt nots” that date back thousands of years to when Moses brought that very first handbook down from the mountain. Of course, Moses never had to deal with people entering dates for Philip Glass or researching tours for Dan Zanes and Nickelback, so management decided it needed to make improvements on that original rulebook.
Of course, some of the new rules are more difficult to swallow than others. For example, the new rule establishing random drug testing in the Pollstar.com work place still has a few employees up in arms. After all, gathering dates for The Locust, and proofing schedules for Michael McDonald and Anathema keeps one pretty busy, and it’s not like we have time to stop and prove to management that we know how to spell “Viagra,” or that we know the difference between aspirin and Tylenol. Like, whose bright idea was that, anyway?
Then there’s the new vacation policy. Truth be told, it’s hard enough to pry our hands from our keyboards in order to take some well-earned R&R, but now management has decided that we need to take an extra two weeks in Hawaii every other month so that we can properly manage the dates for all tours big and small, like the routings for Rush, O.A.R. and Shania Twain. Employers can be sooo stubborn!
But that’s only the half of it, for our new employee handbook has also introduced a whole new list of rules. concealed weapons rules, dress codes, bullet policies and wiping regulations, it’s all here in the new Pollstar.com employee handbook. Yes, reviewing all the new restrictions has kept us busy the last few days, but once we’re done, we can get back to doing what we do best – entering tour data for bands like Genitorturers and Misfits , as well as artists like George “Goober” Lindsey, Kid Rock and Willie Nelson. That is, as soon as we sign these acknowledgements stating that we’ve read the new rulebook cover-to-cover.
Which brings us to one small problem.
We have to sign eleven pages of acknowledgements, and, well, we’ve already drawn blood from all ten fingers. Guess we’re going to have to prick one of our toes if we want to sign off on page eleven.