Fortunately, there is help. Since 1935 the award-winning Volunteer Outreach program has filled the lives of those condemned to spend their days in our nation’s highest income level with tour data for such artists as Shania Twain and Sting. Like the high school student who spends her after-school hours reading the schedule for Gov’t Mule to lonely CEOs; the single mother of eight who finds the time to describe the support acts for Walls Of Jericho and Britney Spears to politicians as they rush from campaign stop to campaign stop, and the ex-con who manages to take time out from his meetings with his parole officer to teach service charge mathematics to Wall Street bankers.

But we can’t do it without your help. Recent tax breaks for the wealthy have resulted in more and more people finding themselves trapped by financial success and corporate perks leaving them completely unaware about the itineraries for UFO and Ten Foot Pole. Furthermore, to reach these shut-ins, one must approach them on their level, whether that be a window seat at Spagos, deep sea fishing off of the Florida Keys or amidst the aroma of fine cigars and the scent of even finer brandies found in exclusive private clubs in remote locations such as Beverly Hills, the Hamptons and Fresno.

That’s why we’re asking you to reach deep into your pockets and give generously the next time a Volunteer Outreach worker knocks on your door. By combining your hard-earned cash with our volunteers, we can enter the finest restaurants on Rodeo Drive, fly first class on trans-Atlantic flights to London and Rome and establish tour-date walk-in clinics in San Francisco’s Pacifica Heights and on New York City’s Park Avenue.

It’s not easy. The hours are long and the rewards are few, but it’s a job that must be done so that we may spread the word about The Oak Ridge Boys, Peaches and Wynonna throughout the skyboxes, polo clubs and private jets belonging to those who have selflessly dedicated their lives in pursuit of the American Dream.

Won’t you help?