“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yes, Jenkins. Have a seat. As senior partner of this law firm, I like to invite the new associates into my office for a chat. Now, let’s see… You’ve been with us for two weeks.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And so far, you billed over 200 hours. What kind of cases do you have?”

“Well, sir, there’s Kramer vs Super MegaRocker Promotions. It’s about what happened at the ZZ Top concert.”

“Oh? Personal injury case, eh?”

“Uh, no, sir.”

“Food poisoning? Theft?”

“No, sir. Kramer is suing Super MegaRocker Promotions because they sold him a seat right next to a guy who was overly flatulent.”

“Hmmm… I see. What other cases do you have?”

“There’s Rogers vs Verizon-HiFi-Chronicle-Tweeter Sports Arena. It’s a constitutional rights case. They wouldn’t let Mr. Rogers bring his gun to the Ronnie James Dio concert. I think this one will be a slam dunk.”

“Uh, uh. Any other cases?”

“Well, sir, there’s Snyder vs Snyder. It’s a family dispute sir, a daughter suing her mother for false imprisonment because the mother wouldn’t lend her any money to see Kid Rock or Tito Puente, Jr. Then there’s Smelding vs Swinzicki. I think this is the best of them all. You see -“

“That’s enough, Jenkins.”

“Smelding and Swinzicki are neighbors, and Smelding is suing Swinzicki because Swinzicki keeps blasting his Ozzy Osbourne CDs every night, thereby rendering Smelding impotent. I’m thinking ‘six figure settlement’ for sure. Furthermore -“


“Yes, sir?”

“Are all your cases like the ones you just described?”

“Pretty much, sir. All 743 of them. Of course, not all of them are as good as the ones I just mentioned.”

“I was afraid of that. Look, Jenkins, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you just can’t launch a lawsuit every time someone walks through our doors looking for a lawyer.”

“I can’t?”

“No, Jenkins, you can’t. Here at McKenzie-Brackman, we select our legal battles very carefully. We don’t launch frivolous lawsuits against people passing gas at concerts, or promoters who won’t sell someone a front row seat for Britney Spears. Do you understand?”

“But, sir -“

“No ‘buts,’ Jenkins. You’ll just have to call all those clients and tell them to find another lawyer. We just don’t sue people at the drop of the hat. Not at McKenzie-Brackman. Is that clear?”

“Crystal, sir.”

“Oh, and another thing. Jenkins?”

“Yes, sir?”

“About your last job.”


“Just how long did you work for the RIAA, anyway?”