Just think of it! Through companies like Ticketmaster, Tickets.com and TicketWeb, no longer do you have to camp out in the arena parking lot in order to buy tickets for Van Halen or Shania Twain. No longer do you have to call in sick to work so you can make it to the venue’s box office to buy tickets for Andrew W.K. or Simon & Garfunkel. Click! Zip! Done! Yes, the new millennium is absolutely fantastic!

And aren’t the big concert promoter companies grand? With one push of a button, they can adjust prices across the country for the Eagles, put extra shows on sale for Madonna and cancel a summer’s worth of entertainment by Christina Aguilera. Ah, yes, there’s no doubt about it. Big Business + Concerts = Beautiful Music!

And what about all that radio consolidation? Isn’t that the cat’s meow? No longer do travelers have to put up with small town playlist idiosyncrasies when visiting a strange city. Thanks to a few small companies owning the hog’s-share of the AM and FM bands, our nation has finally come to an agreement as to what constitutes good music. Britney, Hilary, Jessica – they’re all there on every radio in every city, playing their hearts out on one nationwide top-40 featuring familiar artists singing catchy songs. Who could ask for anything more?

But that’s not all, for we also have consolidation of thought. After all, what would the new millennium be like without the deep thinkers who guide us through our day-to-day lives? Rush, Sean, G. Gordon – they make our lives easier for us by telling us what is, and is not, important. Is Bob Dylan from Minnesota? Is Paul McCartney a vegetarian? Is KISS nothing but a bunch of 50-somethings in makeup? Don’t worry. Flip on the radio and someone, somewhere, will tell you what to think.

Yes, the new millennium IS all it’s cracked up to be. No decisions, no knocking your head against the wall trying to decide between President Bush and Eric Clapton, or having to select either Senator Kerry or Fleetwood Mac. No more tough choices, no more assessments, evaluations and reevaluations, for all of that is handled for you in the bright shiny year that is 2004!

Gosh, we can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings.