There are two things Benny loved most of all – Surfing and Madonna. Most days you would find Benny down at the beach looking for that perfect wave, all the time listening to his favorite artist on his waterproofed iPod.

But one day last week Benny had the chance to see Madonna in concert. However, at the same time some real bitchin’ waves were reported in Honolulu. What to do? Benny agonized over the decision. He asked his minister, he consulted his horoscope and he checked with his shrink, but no one could give him any advice. Eventually, Benny went with the waves, figuring that he’d catch Maddy on her next tour. However, for Benny, there’ll never be a next tour, for he was gobbled up by a great white shark only moments after he put his board in the water.

Then there’s Rick. A baseball fan forever, Rick traded his tickets for The Cure for primo seats for a San Francisco Giants night game. You can guess the rest. Barry Bonds took a might cut at an inside breaking pitch, broke his bat, and Rick found himself impaled upon the errant piece of wood.

Summer can be like that, fraught with danger and peril. However, statistically speaking, you won’t find a safer activity than concerts. To this day not one single man-eating shark has been spotted at any show by David Bowie or They Might Be Giants, nor will you find deadly broken bats or dangerous foul balls at performances by The Groovie Ghoulies, Bruce Hornsby and Hoobastank. It just doesn’t happen.

But a lot can happen during the summer if you’re not safely ensconced in a seat waiting for Don Williams or The Motet to take the stage. After all, when you add up the stats, you’ll find that the numbers don’t lie. People are struck by lightning while playing golf, not while seeing Phish. Grizzly bears attack more people camping in the woods than they do at shows by Corey Stevens and Eric Clapton. And picnics? Ants, burnt hot dogs, and ptomaine disguised as potato salad. Need we say more?

When you get right down to it, concerts, like KISS playing in Atlantic City on July 17, represent the safest summer activities available. So forget about all those so-called summer doings. More people will drown while swimming this summer than if they see Norah Jones. More people are likely to suffer sunstroke while building sandcastles at the beach this summer rather than if they see Aerosmith instead. Furthermore, you’re more likely to be bitten by a diamondback rattler if you’re out running motorcycles in the desert this summer than if you’re running for your seat at the next Metallica concert. When all is said and done, concerts win the safety battle hands down over all other summertime activities.

Well, almost all of them. We’re still not too sure as to whether watching the corn grow is less dangerous than seeing John Fogerty or Jimmy Buffett. But then, those Iowans always live life on the edge.