“Bill didn’t call, dear. In fact, the only person to call all day was someone from Pottsylvania.”

“What? Pottsylvania?”

“Uh, uh. Someone named Mr. Badinov, and he said he was the Secretary of Concerts for Pottsylvania. He told me that the president of Pottsylvania, someone named F. Leader, was recently overthrown in a coup, and that he needed an honest, concert-loving American to hold onto all the cash his country had accumulated from hosting major artists like Sting, Shania Twain and Jimmy Buffett.”

“That’s funny. I’ve never heard of those artists playing Pottsylvania. In fact, I’ve never even heard of the country before.”

“Oh, he had an explanation for that. He said that stars like Saliva and Barry Manilow always played private performances for the workers of Pottsylvania. That’s why you never heard about the shows. The events are always listed on artist schedules as ‘private functions.'”

“You mean whenever you see an act’s tour itinerary on Pollstar.com, like The Alarm or Belle & Sebastian, and they have a date listed as ‘private function,’ that means they’re playing Pottsylvania?”

“Apparently. Anyway, he told me that they had all this money from shows by Kid Rock, Linkin Park and Don Henley, and that they needed someplace to hide it from the concert-hating rebels that took over his country. That’s why he wanted our savings account number.”

“What? Our savings account number? What in blazes for?”

“So he could wire transfer all that money into our account.”

“I don’t like the sound of this.”

“Oh, it gets better, honey. To finance the Pottsylvania government-in-exile’s attempt to retake the country and reinstall F. Leader to the presidential palace, Mr. Badinov said that they were going to hold a huge, fundraising concert somewhere in Minnesota. Lessee, I have the name of the location right here. Someplace called Frostbite Falls.”

“Frosbite Falls? Uh, honey, I’m afraid that someone…”

“Oh, it’s going to be a great show, dear, with bands like The Darkness and The Hives, and artists like David Bowie, Prince and Tony Orlando. Doesn’t that sound fantastic?”

“That’s not the word I was thinking of, dear. Er… You didn’t give him our savings account number, did you?”

“Of course I did.”

“Oh, no.”

“Plus, Mr. Badinov said, in exchange for giving him our savings account number, he was going to send us a pair of complimentary tickets for the show.”

“Oh, honey, I don’t believe it.”

“I did a good thing, didn’t I.”

“A good thing? You gave a total stranger our savings account number? You should know better than that?”

“But… But… he said he was going to send us free tickets for his big, fundraising concert. What did I do wrong?”

“Well… For starters…”

“Yes?”

“You should have asked him if the seats were any good.”