“Harry? Is that you? You walked right by me without even saying anything.”

“Ralph? Gosh, I’m sorry. I seem to have misplaced my glasses. I can’t see a thing without them.”

“Some things never change, eh, Harry? Remember that time in Cincinnati? You know, when you and I were supposed to see Sting?”

“How can I forget? That’s when I lost my contacts. I couldn’t make out the name of the venue on the tickets and we ended up at Ozzfest instead.”

“And we still didn’t know where we were. All through Ozzy’s set you kept yelling out for ‘Roxanne.'”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t as bad as that time we were at the Van Halen show. Remember that, Ralph? I mistakenly mixed up my eye drops with my wife’s pepper spray. You had to take my hand and lead me to our seats.”

“And then you kept pointing at Sammy Hagar while asking me why David Lee Roth looked so strange. Yeah, Harry, I remember. But what about Simon & Garfunkel?”

“You mean when I went up to Garfunkel after the show and asked him to autograph my Here Comes Rhymin’ Simon CD? Oh, the look on his face.”

“The only reason you remember the look on his face is because I had to describe it to you. You lost your glasses that night, too. Remember, Harry?”

“Sure, Ralph, but not as well as I remember that time in San Francisco when neither one of us could make out the directions to the venue for that Social Distortion show, and we ended up in that backyard in Oakland.”

“Which belonged to a big Hell’s Angel member with an even bigger shotgun. Yeah, I remember, Harry. I remember taking you to the emergency room so that the doctor could pull the buckshot out of your butt.”

“I’ve still got a few scars from that one, Ralph. But what about that time at the Willie Nelson show in Cleveland? You know, when we hot-wired Willie’s tour bus and drove it into Lake Erie? Remember what we said to the cop? No, officer, we haven’t been drinking -“

We just can’t see! Those sure were good times, Harry.”

“Weren’t they, though? We were two blind mice out looking for action.”

“Yeah, but it had to hit us smack dab in the face for us to see it. Oh, look at the time. I better be going, Harry. I think they’re about to call my flight.”

“So, where are you off to, Ralph?”

“Atlanta, Harry. I’m umping the Pirates / Braves game tonight. And you?”

“Detroit, Ralph. Gotta call them balls and strikes for the Royals and Tigers. I just wish I could find my glasses.”

“Uh, Harry? About your glasses.”

“Yeah, Ralph?”

“They’re perched on the end of your nose.”