Tours de Farce: Safety Dance
That’s the question as we roll into the final months of Campaign 2004. Throughout this great nation people are worried about both perceived and imagined dangers involving concerts. Is there enough lighting in the parking lot at the Tim McGraw show? Is Madonna a threat to those with pacemakers? And what about that Bob Dylan / Willie Nelson tour of minor league baseball parks? Have they taken the necessary precautions needed to protect fans from errant foul balls and broken bats?
Don’t look to this week’s Democrat convention for the answer. While the presumed candidate may have answers regarding Iraq and the economy, Mr. Kerry’s concert aptitude is extremely lacking, for not once during the past 12 months has the Senator from Massachusetts even mentioned the possible threats brought about by Jimmy Buffett fans demanding larger beer cups, or Cher’s plunging necklines contributing to the degradation of society’s mores.
Is this the America you want to leave to your kids? If you’re like most parents, meaning that you have children of your own, then concert safety is your primary concern in the coming election. Thankfully, there is a candidate who understands your apprehension and feels your pain when it comes to concert safety.
That candidate is Ralph Nader.
A vote for Nader is a vote for concert safety. It’s a vote that will force all bands, not just the ones playing the mainstage, to wash their hands before all Ozzfest performances. It’s a vote for mandatory vitamin consumption at all concerts by Dave Matthews Band and Phish. It’s a vote for adequate sound buffers protecting pregnant women at all Van Halen concerts. In fact, when it comes to concert safety, Ralph Nader beats all other pretenders to the throne hands down, for only Mr. Nader has 40 years of experience of telling Americans what’s best for them.
So when you go to the polls this election day, vote for the man who only wants to protect you, and scores of Americans like you, from yourself. Vote for the man who will stand up for concert safety, the man who will protect concert goers from unhealthy hot dogs at shows by The Polyphonic Spree, unsafe Corvairs roaming the parking lots outside the venues where KISS is playing, and Courtney Love roaming… wherever. Come this election day, vote for Nader. If not for yourself, at least for your children.
Paid for by the Republican National Committee. When it comes to concert safety, we don’t beat around the Bush.