“Coming right up. Say, don’t I know you? Aren’t you that lady who used to run the RIAA?”

“That’s right. My name is Hilary Rosen. Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise. You know, Hilary, I’m a great admirer of yours.”

“Is that so?”

“You betcha. You led the fight against music piracy. Heck, if wasn’t for you, artists like Barry Manilow and Ryan Adams would never get what’s coming to them.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but the fight isn’t over yet. All over the world people are using p2p file-sharing to rip off artists like Tanya Donelly and bands like Scissor Sisters and The Thrills. Ooohhhh!!! It makes my blood boil just thinking of it.”

“Sounds like you’re still pretty passionate about music piracy.”

“You’ve got that right. In fact, after leaving the RIAA, I dedicated my life to fighting piracy.”


“Uh, uh. I’ve been spending all of my free time researching the problem. It’s bigger than you think.”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say. For instance, did you know there are millions of illegal copies of Metallica songs floating around the Net?”


“And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Last week I found the entire Bob Dylan catalog on Kazaa.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“And yesterday I discovered that every single song the Eagles ever recorded is available for free on BearShare.”

“That’s terrible.”

“And just this morning I detected that someone was making the entire Warner Bros. catalog available for download through Morpheus.”

“That’s appalling!

“You’re telling me? Since I retired from the RIAA I’ve spent every waking minute studying file-sharing. Gloria Estefan, Tim McGraw, Beastie Boys – You name the band or artist, and someone, somewhere, is giving their toil and sweat away for free over p2p networks.”

“Wow! That’s a lot of songs.”

“You ain’t kidding. We’re talking billions and billions of songs being made available for free.”

“You know, I never knew the problem was that extensive. Your research must keep you pretty busy.”

“It’s made for a lot of sleepless nights knowing that songs by Usher or Kris Kristofferson are available at the click of the mouse.”

“Well, then, let me buy you a drink on the house. Want another Long Island iced tea?”

“No thank you. I’ve got too much to do. I best be going.”

“Back to your research, eh?”

“You got it. This morning I discovered every song Eric Clapton ever recorded is available on Gnutella.”

“What are you going to do about it? Notify the RIAA about the music pirates ripping off Slowhand?”

“Not exactly.”


“No. I’ve got to go out and buy another iPod. The damn things only hold up to 40 gigs, and, well, I’ve already filled up five this week.”