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Tours de Farce: Membership Does Have Its Privileges
We’ve listened to your requests and we’ve considered your suggestions. You want more than just date, city, state and venue for Madonna. You want more than just an email telling you that we posted new Bruce Cockburn dates. You want a fool-proof, turnkey system that will cater to all of your concert needs.
Introducing Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! More than just another premium service designed to line our pockets with your hard-earned dollars, Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! will supercharge your personal concert experience.
Imagine! Imagine waking up in the morning to personally signed email from bands like Modern English and Alter Bridge offering you free tickets to their shows. Imagine Bob Dylan calling you on your cell phone to personally invite you out to the local minor league ballpark to see him perform with Willie Nelson. Imagine Lars instant messaging you a couple of backstage passes for that big Metallica show coming to your town. Not only could it happen, it will happen once you sign up for Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!!
Here’s how it works. Upon becoming a paid-in-full member of Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! you’ll list your 1,000 favorite bands and artists. You want both Ryan and Bryan Adams? You got `em! Flickerstick, Cher and Everlast? They’re yours too. 1,000 artists and bands ready to cater to your every whim and desire.
Just think of the possibilities! Dave Matthews will pick you up and take you to his band’s gig. KISS will play every song you ask for, and Avril Lavigne will bring you home, tell bedtime stories to your kids and even rinse out your dinner plates and toss them into the dishwasher before departing. We’re talking about BIG STARS doing BIG THINGS for YOU! It doesn’t get any better than this!
Needless to say, this isn’t a free service. This isn’t something paid for with pop-up ads or by outsourcing customer support to Omaha. In fact, this is a very selective service for very selective people. The difference between Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! and our other services is like the difference between a stretch limo and a Yugo. Sure, both will get you to the Jimmy Buffett show, but which would you prefer? That’s why membership to Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! is priced at a very reasonable, very exclusive $7,351,481 per person.
What’s that you say? Are you sitting behind your keyboard screaming at the monitor that there’s no way in hell you’ll pay over 7 mil for Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!!? Are you thinking that we’ve gone off our collective rockers, and that it’s virtually impossible that concert fans would pay that much just to have both sisters from Heart tuck them into their beds after the show and sing them to sleep? Are you saying that a price tag of $7,351,481 will turn potential users of Pollstar.com Plus! Plus!! Plus!!! away in droves?
You know what? You may very well be right.
On the other hand, we only need to sell one membership.