Tours de Farce: Bad Medicine
How’s the ol’ noggin? Feeling a little pressure behind the eyes? Does your head ache? How about your sinuses? Any congestion? Runny nose?
Before you reach into the medicine cabinet for an over-the-counter remedy, you might want to check the label first, for it’s a known fact that some medications, even non-prescription drugs like aspirin and cold medicine, might bring about unexpected side effects when mixed with tour dates.
For example, do you know that Tylenol mixed with the dates for Rilo Kiley might cause unexpected hair growth, glandular expansion and tongue-related dysfunctions? Or that Alka Seltzer combined with the support act listings for Killswitch Engage might induce an extreme projectile nasal discharge?
Truth be told, there’s no telling how many problems the thousands upon thousands of over-the-counter nonprescription drugs might produce when mixed with tour dates such as the latest schedules for Brian Wilson and Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers. Bufferin and Taking Back Sunday, Zantac and The Cramps – while some of these combinations may seem innocent enough, the emergency rooms and intensive care units throughout the world are filled with patients who thought it was perfectly safe to pull up a chair in front of their computer, punch up the itinerary for KISS or Gloria Estefan, and pop a couple of aspirins only to keel over before they could read off the first few dates.
What can you do? First off, always read the label before you mix any nonprescription drug and tour dates, and pay close attention to warnings about operating heavy machinery, hanging out with Courtney Love or voting in presidential elections. Secondly, avoid mixing genres with certain medications, such as dates for rock bands such as Metallica and Van Halen with antihistamines, blues acts such as Keb’ Mo’ and Big Al & The Heavyweights with dietary supplements, and jam bands, like The String Cheese Incident, with various laxatives, both chemical and organic, as well as various suppository devices.
You can have a safe summer enjoying your favorite tour dates. A little common sense is all it takes. Better yet, just keep the following rhyme in your head and everything will be fine.