Tours de Farce: Family Man
Hear that? That tinkling sound someone makes when putting silverware in the dishwasher? The clatter of someone removing plates from the dinner table? The sounds of someone rinsing glasses and wiping cups? Someone sounds pretty busy. Do you know who that someone is?
It’s your wife.
And what are you doing? You’re sitting in front of your computer looking up the new dates for Bob Dylan and Avril Lavigne, while your wife slaves away keeping hearth and home in tip-top shape. Come on, don’t you feel just a little ashamed?
Yeah, we know your story. You work hard all day so that you can come home and plop your butt behind the keyboard and look up concert dates on Pollstar.com. Maybe you’re looking for those additional dates for Kittie, or perhaps you just want to stay up to date with the Scorpions and Gretchen Wilson. No matter. You’re surfing the concert universe while your wife is vacuuming the carpet, dusting the furniture and scraping underneath the toilet rim. Have you no pride?
We’ve heard a lot about you. You and other so-called men, husbands who come in from a hard day’s work only to go right to the computer to check out the new Sparta tour or the line up on the very last date for the
Are you really this clueless? Haven’t you figured out by now that your wife loves concerts as much as you do? In fact, we’re betting that she’d love to sit down and look up the new schedules for The Briefs and Howie Day. That is, if she didn’t have to clean out the garage, take out the garbage and snake out the drains, while Mr. Till-Death-Do-Us-Part sits around on his fat fanny clicking on Van Halen, Metallica and Ronnie James Dio.
Ashamed? You should be. We’re talking about your companion, your soul mate, your best friend. We’re talking about how you lock yourself in here night after night as you check out the latest haps in the concert industry while your wife works her fingers to the bones to ensure there’s a hot meal waiting for you when you get home, and a newly-flushed radiator for the drive back to work tomorrow. And how do you thank her? By rushing to the computer and looking up itineraries for Wilco and Yanni. Is this any way to treat your lover, your goddess, your queen? She needs help. No, not later. Now. And you’re the only one that can do it.
That’s right. Get off your butt and send the kids in to help her. After all, why else did you have children?