“You bet, Harry. Earthmovers, scaffolding and power generators. Everything groupies need. I can’t rent them out fast enough.”

“Business has been that good, huh?”

“Business has been great, Harry. What with Ronnie James Dio and Metallica coming to town, business has never been better. That is, until THEY moved into the neighborhood.”

“Oh? Who’s that, Frank?”

“Concert promoters.”

“Oh, oh. Sounds grim.”

“You’re not kidding, Harry. They were all over the neighborhood. Heck, hardly a day went by when I didn’t see one of them slinking past my yard, posting handbills on telephone poles announcing their latest shows, like The Wailers or Los Straitjackets. Then at night they would sneak into my rental yard, hook up the power generators, charge up their cell phones, and make long distance phone calls at my expense.”

“You’re kidding!”

“I wish, Harry. But you should see my diesel fuel bill. They would climb the fence, plug in and call New York, Los Angeles, even Nashville, and then they’d talk to booking agents all through the night, arranging shows for bands like Megadeth and artists like Russell Watson and Wynonna. I’m telling you, Harry, I was desperate.”

“So, what did you do?”

“I did the only thing I could do, Harry. I got some guard dogs.”

“Guard dogs?”

“Uh, uh. Four of ’em. Big beefy dogs. With teeth like Jaws. I figured only a fool would risk climbing over my fence with those beasts in my yard.”

“But, isn’t that a bit drastic?”

“Drastic times call for drastic solutions, Harry. We’re talking about concert promoters invading my private property. Anyway, I only had the dogs for a week when it happened.”

“Uh? What happened, Frank?”

“Got a phone call in the middle of the night from the police. Seems that a couple of concert promoters slipped over the fence. From what I’m told, they had planned on using my electricity to charge up their cell phones and call agents about booking dates for Tim McGraw and Barenaked Ladies.”

“So? What happened? Did the dogs get them?”

“I’m getting to that. Anyway, I rushed right down to the yard. Man, you wouldn’t believe the carnage! It was blood and guts city! It looked like Philadelphia after Axl Rose cancelled that Guns N’ Roses show.”

“That bad, eh?”

“Oh, it was a massacre, Harry. I never saw such violence. And I was in the war, you know.”

“Gosh, Harry. That’s some story, what with all the violence and gore. You act like you’re really shook up about it.”

“I was devastated, Harry. If you had seen what I saw, you’d be shook up yourself.”

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“There’s only one thing I can do, Harry. I have a business to protect, and I can’t let any concert promoter sneak into my yard whenever he pleases.”

“You mean…”

“That’s right. I’m going to have to get some bigger dogs.”