“Hello, Duke? This is Paul. Paul McCartney.”

“Dude! Howzitgoin, man! Are you ready for Super Bowl Sunday?”

“That’s why I’m calling, Duke.”

“Did you get the program script that I overnighted to you?”

“Yes I did, Duke, and I’m not so sure I’m the right man for this. Maybe you should hire one of the newer acts for the Super Bowl halftime show. You know, a younger act, like Destiny’s Child or Green Day.”

“Why’s that, Paul?”

“Well, for one thing, there’s this opening film clip.”

“Isn’t that a great opening?”

“Yeah, but it just isn’t me, Duke.”

“What do you mean it isn’t you, Paul? The film clip shows you tuning your guitar backstage right before you make your spectacular halftime entrance. This opening rocks.”

“Maybe so, but what’s this woman doing there with me?”

“Eh? Oh, you mean Nicollete Sheridan? She stars on a hit TV show. In the clip she plays your biggest fan, and she’s asking you for your autograph right before the halftime show starts.”

“Wearing nothing but a towel?”

“Work with it, Paul. Work with it.”

“Well, all right, but I don’t think Heather is going to like it. Anyway, what about this scene on page #2. You know, where I’m walking out on stage with all these dancers?”

“Oh, yeah. Dancers are big right now, Paul. Everyone loves dancers.”

“Perhaps. But the script says I walk out singing `Hey, Ya!’ What’s `Hey, Ya!,’ Duke?”

“Only one of the biggest songs ever, Paul. Nothing but the best for you, Dude.”

“But it’s not one of my songs, Duke.”

“Work with it, Paul. Besides, you’re gonna be lip-syncing anyway.”

“Huh? Lip-sync? I don’t lip-sync, Duke.”

“Everybody lip-syncs, Paul. Get with the program.”

“Okay. But I’m still not too sure I’m the right performer for all of this. Wouldn’t you rather have Avril Lavigne or The Hives?”

“No way, Paul. You’re the man!. No one else tested as well as you. Bright Eyes, Big & Rich, Gretchen Wilson – they didn’t even come close when we tested those sample audiences for name recognition. Everybody knows you, Paul. Everybody.”

“But dancers, lip-syncing and naked TV actresses? Why can’t I just play me guitar and sing?”

“Why? One word answer, Paul. BORING! This is the Super Bowl Halftime show, Paul. You gotta think out of the box.”

“Okay, Duke. Suppose I lip-sync the song I don’t know. Suppose we keep the dancers. Suppose I frolic with the TV bimbo. I still don’t understand this last bit during my closing number.”

“Uh? What’s not to understand? You don’t like fireworks? You can’t work with fireworks?”

“Oh, fireworks are fine, Duke. It’s just that -“

“Lemme guess. You don’t like all the explosions, smoke bombs and flashing lights?”

“No, the explosions, smoke bombs and flashing lights are great, Duke.”

“Then what’s not to like about the closing number, Paul? It’s the Super Bowl for crying out loud. The closing number has to be the biggest bit of the show. I guarantee you. You do this closing number as it’s written in the script, and I guarantee you, America will talk of nothing else for days.”

“I don’t know…”

“For days, Paul. I know my Super Bowl audiences, and they’ll eat this up. They’ll talk about nothing else for days. Weeks even.”

“Well. Okay, Duke. I’ll do the closing number as written. Just one question, though.”

“Shoot.”

“Why does this guy named Justin have to rip off me shirt?”