Tours de Farce: What's The Story?

We hear the above question a lot. Yesterday, for instance, when we posted the new Fall Out Boy dates, and people peppered us with questions like “Where did they come from?” “How fresh are they?” and “Have they had their shots?” “What’s the story?”

But that’s the way it goes in the tour date biz. People are always asking us about The Neville Brothers dates and whether the listing was released by the band’s booking agent or manager. Then they ask us about the new shows listed for Alicia Keys, and if the latest additions are “firm” or “tentative.” Of course, we always get the obligatory “did you wash your hands after handling the Motley Crue dates?” But that comes with the territory.

But that’s just scratching the surface. After we field questions about whether the Jack Ingram dates were shipped to us via FedEx, or if the schedule for Carl Weathersby arrived by way of email or snail mail, we always get one or two questions about the size of the shipping container for the Gaither Homecoming, whether they used popcorn or bubblewrap for Tom Russell and if some assembly was required for the Magic Of The Dance schedule. Yeah, the questions never stop.

In fact, even while typesetting this column, we were hit with questions. We had a phone call asking us if the Herbie Hancock schedule was vetted by the promoters, if Martin Sexton’s listing was approved by the record label and whether or not Jimmy Cliff’s new itinerary is tentative pending approval from his mother. In fact, we often get more questions than we can answer, more inquiries than we can query and more curiosity than we can cure. However, the questions keep coming, 24/7.

Questions like, “Did the new routing for moe. arrive under police protection?” “Did the listing for Further Seems Forever arrive via air or sea?” “Were the new dates for John Berry given to us by illegal aliens?” If so, were the aliens from Vulcan, Ork, or the Klingon homeworld?” “Did they arrive by shuttle craft, flying saucer, or inter-dimensional, transwarp worm hole?” “Were the dates for Neko Case handed down to us by God during some kind of supernatural occurrence, accompanied by burning bushes, bombastic thunderclaps and fiery lights in the sky while an enormous, disembodied hand engraved the new schedules for Sting and Buddy Guy on our garden wall?” Yeah, we get those questions a lot.

But most of all, people are always asking us if we’re making it up as we go along.